MeetRosalind Sedacca, CCT Rosalind Sedacca is an author, an award-winning professional speaker, and Certified Corporate Trainer specializing in both communication and relationship issues. She has facilitated workshops and seminars throughout North America on creating 'conscious' relationships for both singles and couples. Based on her own personal experience, she wrote How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! This internationally acclaimed ebook provides an innovative new approach to breaking the divorce news to your children and setting the stage for positive parenting ahead. At Rosalind's Child-Centered Divorce Network parents will find resources and tools to help them create successful outcomes for the entire family in the months, years and decades to come.
"Rosalind's book is unique in that it offers parents an innovative approach to having that difficult and usually dreaded initial conversation with their children and making it as positive and supportive as possible. A parent contemplating a divorce would be well served by reading this valuable book."
Raoul Felder,Celebrity Divorce Attorney
"Rosalind's brilliant book's non-judgmental, compassionate and no-nonsense approach will resonate with all divorcing parents – even those with the most challenging relationships. It is a critical piece of the divorce puzzle, and a must read!"
Cynthia Tiano, Esq."I highly recommend this as more than a book, but a tool to assist children to more successfully navigate the disorientation and maze that comes as part of divorce."
C. Paul Wanio, Ph.D., LMFT, LMHC"This hands-on interactive storybook is a must for all parents going through a divorce. It is a step-by-step guide for appropriately including children in the process. No parent should leave their home without it!"
Sally Goldberg, PhDCenter for Successful Children
"Rosalind Sedacca has invaluable information to share with divorcing parents. There is no other book a couple needs to help them with the most difficult conversation a parent can have with a child, that their parents are getting divorced. You are VERY lucky to have found my partner in the peaceful divorce movement."
Belinda Rachman, Esq"Rosalind Sedacca has just improved the lives of countless children. I have practiced divorce law for 44 years and will attest to the importance of how children are introduced to their parents' divorce. How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? gives us something simple and sound to rely upon. There is absolutely no downside to Rosalind's storybook concept. It's all good and it beats anything else that I've come across. In fact, it's great and it is definitely something that the world has needed. The book is a winner and it is also a lifesaver."
J. Richard Kulerski, Esq"Rosalind Sedacca has made a monumental contribution to self-help resources in an area that affects the lives of millions of men, women and children. After 32 years of counseling people in various stages of uncoupling, I can testify to the urgent need of a "how to" guide for people contemplating divorce. This book offers them a "life preserver." I have already referred my patients to this material and have received great feedback. I cannot recommend this book highly enough."
Beverly Gibel, LCSW, ACSW, BCD"Rosalind Sedacca's 'How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE?' is a much needed breakthrough in the emotional minefield that parents traverse when they prepare their children for an impending divorce. The template, storybook strategy sends sensitive, kind, loving and safe messages which every child needs as they prepare for the scary unknown. I recommend her book for everyone who has children and is contemplating divorce."
Jack Singer, Ph.D.Licensed Clinical & Forensic Psychologist, LCSW, ACSW, BCD
Children’s Emotional Needs During Divorce and Beyond
When parents are caught up in the drama of divorce it is easy for them to forget the innate emotional and security needs of their innocent children. The following are a list of questions and comments that remind parents about the most fundamental needs of every child in order to experience psychological well-being.
They are provided by Dr. Paul Wanio, one of the contributors to my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? These concepts are particularly significant for your consideration when your family is experiencing the challenges and upheavals connected to divorce or separation. With this in mind, Dr. Wanio suggests you not only consider these questions, but actually take the time to answer them for yourself.
1) How can I help my child to develop a sense of security and trust in him/herself, in people, in the world, and in getting his/her needs met?
A child needs to feel loved and a sense of belonging. They need to feel important … to know that someone is there to help … that their needs will be …
recognized … that there are a set of standards to live by — as well as values like kindness, courage, honesty, generosity and justice.
2) How can I caringly protect my child from excessive conflicts and frustrations at home?
Children cannot handle as much as adults. A child must have a feeling of safety and protection at home … know that someone is in charge who will not allow overwhelming emotions or situations to occur … will set limits with fairness … will listen compassionately … and explain confusing situations to alleviate any fears.
3) How can I help my child not to feel guilty or ashamed about mistakes, accidents or failures?
Children need to learn from their mistakes, not feel put down or be punished for them. They need to believe in themselves … to know that it is okay to make a mistake … and that you still love them and believe in their potential. Especially now, they need to know that your divorce is not their fault.
4) How can I assist my child to feel a sense of self-esteem and encouragement?
Children need to feel that their self-worth does not merely depend upon accomplishments, but upon who they are as individuals and because they are your children. They need to feel accepted by you even if you or others do not always approve of their behavior. At this time, knowing that they are loved by both parents is especially important. Putting down the other parent is like putting down a part of your child since he/she is a part of that parent. Avoid disparaging remarks about the other parent even if you are angry.
5) How can I encourage independence and a feeling of competency in my child?
In general, children need a sense of their very own achievement, even if it means possibly being wrong or different. They need to handle some things on their own or with minimal assistance, to be given choices [even if limited] and to feel some sense of being trusted and capable. During the time of divorce, your child may become more vulnerable and regress to an earlier stage of development. Do not demean your child for this, but understand that he/she may need to feel more “like a little kid” than “Mommy’s/Daddy’s big boy/girl.” If handled with compassion, this should be a temporary situation. If long-lasting, it may represent undue emotional stress.
6) How can I discipline my child without having him/her develop a negative self-image?
Simply put: Limit your child’s behavior, but not your child’s thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are not “bad,” though behavior may be inappropriate. Seek to influence thoughts, to understand and accept feelings and to improve behavior. True discipline is not thought of as punishment, but a lesson to teach your child about Life.
7) How can I help my child to feel good about him/herself, being male or female, secure when away from me and curious about life?
Children need to develop a sense of identity, to begin to answer the question, “Who am I?,” and to find satisfaction in being oneself. The more loved, understood and trusted they feel, the more secure they will be in their self-discovery. Your example and relationship with your child will have a very powerful influence in this regard.
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Dr. Wanio is a psychotherapist in private practice in Lake Worth and Boca Raton, FL. He can be reached at DrPaulWanio@aol.com. He is also a contributor to the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. To learn more, go to http://howdoitellthekids.com. For additional articles on child-centered divorce, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com
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Thanks so much for participating in this week’s Carnival of Family Life hosted at Pajama Mommy Community! Be sure to drop by and check out some of the other wonderful entries this week!
[...] it is easy for them to forget the innate emotional and security needs of their children. See http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/13#more-13 for a list of questions and comments that remind parents about the most fundamental needs of every [...]