MeetRosalind Sedacca, CCT Rosalind Sedacca is an author, an award-winning professional speaker, and Certified Corporate Trainer specializing in both communication and relationship issues. She has facilitated workshops and seminars throughout North America on creating 'conscious' relationships for both singles and couples. Based on her own personal experience, she wrote How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! This internationally acclaimed ebook provides an innovative new approach to breaking the divorce news to your children and setting the stage for positive parenting ahead. At Rosalind's Child-Centered Divorce Network parents will find resources and tools to help them create successful outcomes for the entire family in the months, years and decades to come.
"Rosalind's book is unique in that it offers parents an innovative approach to having that difficult and usually dreaded initial conversation with their children and making it as positive and supportive as possible. A parent contemplating a divorce would be well served by reading this valuable book."
Raoul Felder,Celebrity Divorce Attorney
"Rosalind's brilliant book's non-judgmental, compassionate and no-nonsense approach will resonate with all divorcing parents – even those with the most challenging relationships. It is a critical piece of the divorce puzzle, and a must read!"
Cynthia Tiano, Esq."I highly recommend this as more than a book, but a tool to assist children to more successfully navigate the disorientation and maze that comes as part of divorce."
C. Paul Wanio, Ph.D., LMFT, LMHC"This hands-on interactive storybook is a must for all parents going through a divorce. It is a step-by-step guide for appropriately including children in the process. No parent should leave their home without it!"
Sally Goldberg, PhDCenter for Successful Children
"Rosalind Sedacca has invaluable information to share with divorcing parents. There is no other book a couple needs to help them with the most difficult conversation a parent can have with a child, that their parents are getting divorced. You are VERY lucky to have found my partner in the peaceful divorce movement."
Belinda Rachman, Esq"Rosalind Sedacca has just improved the lives of countless children. I have practiced divorce law for 44 years and will attest to the importance of how children are introduced to their parents' divorce. How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? gives us something simple and sound to rely upon. There is absolutely no downside to Rosalind's storybook concept. It's all good and it beats anything else that I've come across. In fact, it's great and it is definitely something that the world has needed. The book is a winner and it is also a lifesaver."
J. Richard Kulerski, Esq"Rosalind Sedacca has made a monumental contribution to self-help resources in an area that affects the lives of millions of men, women and children. After 32 years of counseling people in various stages of uncoupling, I can testify to the urgent need of a "how to" guide for people contemplating divorce. This book offers them a "life preserver." I have already referred my patients to this material and have received great feedback. I cannot recommend this book highly enough."
Beverly Gibel, LCSW, ACSW, BCD"Rosalind Sedacca's 'How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE?' is a much needed breakthrough in the emotional minefield that parents traverse when they prepare their children for an impending divorce. The template, storybook strategy sends sensitive, kind, loving and safe messages which every child needs as they prepare for the scary unknown. I recommend her book for everyone who has children and is contemplating divorce."
Jack Singer, Ph.D.Licensed Clinical & Forensic Psychologist, LCSW, ACSW, BCD
“Mad Men” Parents’ Divorce Mistakes Provide Valuable Insights for Today’s Parents!
Don and Betty Draper are getting a divorce – and parents around the globe are watching in dismay. While the stars of Mad Men are just characters in a popular TV drama, the way these two very self-absorbed parents broke the news to their children was heart-breaking and eye-opening at the same time.
Not surprisingly, most viewers picked up on how poorly this major life challenge was handled by both Don and Betty. Looking over their shoulders we can gasp at their insensitivity to the plight of their children, grimace at their poor communication skills and wonder what they were thinking as they sat together as a family in the formal living room.
When the situation comes home and touches our own lives, however, it appears our perspective gets fuzzy and we easily lose our awareness about how dramatically the children are being affected.
Fortunately there is much we can learn from watching the errors Don and Betty made as they stumbled through the conversation. Here’s some sound and sane advice:
1. Prepare in advance. Talk together as Mom and Dad to get on the same page and agree on your message, the degree of disclosure and how to approach each child, whether separately or together as a family.
2. Understand that this is about the children. Agree not to argue, point fingers or lay blame (even if you feel justified!)
3. Repeatedly tell your children they are in no way responsible for these circumstances (even if you’ve been fighting about them!) They are innocent and need to be told so.
4. Keep the communication age-appropriate. Children are not confidents for adult-level information (no matter how tempting)!
5. Remind the children how much you love them and always will – no matter what may change!
6. Remind them that you will always be their Mom and Dad – forever!
7. Talk about the changes ahead as being another chapter in your family’s life — and that change is a natural part of living. It may be scary but it can also be better (especially if there has been tension, fighting and other stressors that have been affecting the children).
8. Answer their questions as completely as you can with sincerity and compassion. It’s okay not to have all the details in place. Your children need comfort and reassurance at this time. There will be other conversations ahead.
9. Be sensitive to their emotions and reactions. They may want hugs, scream out in rage or to run away and cry. Be there for them in every way you can.
10. Remember that children love and feel connected to both parents. Anything you do or say to pull them away from their other parent will create pain, confusion and guilt for them and negative consequences for you – both in the short and long-term!
11. Never force your children to choose between Mom and Dad. It promotes guilt and anxiety. Make those decisions for them so they don’t feel the burden of responsibility.
12. Keep life as normal as possible and continue as many routines as you can: school, sports, friends, extended family visits, celebrations, etc. (Don’t take off and leave the kids with a sitter while you arrange for divorce proceedings in another state!)
13. Try the innovative approach that worked for me and hundreds of my readers around the world: create a personal family storybook with family history and photos in advance and present to the kids as the basis for your conversation. They can reread it again and again and be comforted by the messages you are sharing. You’ll get advice from six therapists along with fill-in-the-blank templates and my own how-do guidance in How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love? Learn more at www.howdoitellthekids.com.
If you keep your children’s well-being at the forefront of your mind during and long after the dreaded divorce talk, you’ll make wiser decisions on your children’s behalf. Remember they will ultimately grow up and hold you accountable for how you handled these tough times. Seek professional assistance and continue to be the best parent you can be. They will thank you in the years to come!
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For more information, her free articles, free ezine, coaching services and other resources on child-centered divorce, go to: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009 All rights reserved.
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All great points here, Rosalind. You are such a valuable resource for divorced parents.
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All this is well and good, but the primary problem for men especially is that, the system is so crooked and biased against them. It takes major effort and money, to make the corrupt courts and it support system recognize and abide by the rights you have. They do everything they can to not obey the law or even show you the most rudimentary respect. We will make these people obey and it may take puting some fear in some of them to compel them to obey.
In reality, Robert, the system is not set up as black and white as you see it. Nevertheless, I do advise parents to avoid the courts and move into mediation or collaborative divorce as a much more satisfactory solution for all concerned.
When you come from anger and put people on the defensive you are less likely to generate the positive results you are looking for. I suggest you talk to a divorce coach or counselor for advice before “putting some fear” into those in the legal system.
Sincere best wishes to you.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT