Archive for December, 2011
When Mom and Dad divorce their children are faced with many life changes. As loving and concerned parents we try to minimize the pain and reduce the chaos brought about by new routines and schedules. We also try to focus on making this new chapter in life as positive and supportive as possible for everyone in the family.
One of the toughest transitions for children is often coping with the first holiday season. Our challenge as parents is to create new traditions and activities that can replace the memories of family holidays in the past. Here are some suggestions on how to help your children through the holiday season in the best possible spirits.
• Show compassion:
Talk to your children about the holidays. Listen, rather than lecture, and let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations. Acknowledge what they are expressing to you and be understanding. Be aware that some children will hold their feelings in so as to protect you. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about their sadness as well as apprehension about what they will experience this year. Remind your children that what they are feeling is natural and normal. Be there for them with reassurance and hugs. Also let them know that some activities will still be part of their holiday celebrations so they understand that much of life continues in the same way, despite divorce.
• Model Responsible Behavior With Your Ex:
Studies show that children whose divorced parents get along with one another adapt much easier to the divorce. So talk to your ex about giving your children a happy holiday season in every possible way. If you can both spend some family time together with the children, without discord, they will appreciate your efforts. If you can’t, at least strive to make the drop-off experience peaceful and harmonious. Never bad-mouth your ex to the children, make them your messenger or have them spy for you at their other parent’s home. Model your best, most respectful and mature interactions with your ex in front of your children so they can enjoy their childhood, especially at this time of year.
• Start Creating Wonderful New Memories:
This year will lay the foundation for many holidays to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By creating a fresh set of traditions you will give your children something to look forward to. By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again for them. And if they do the same in their other parent’s home, they can enjoy an even fuller experience of celebrating the holidays.
By acknowledging your children’s feelings with compassion while offering them new options for keeping the holidays special, you are giving your children an important gift: the love and support they need to overcome the challenges of being a child of divorce.
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For Rosalind’s free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus Rosalind’s free ezine and other resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca All rights reserved.
No doubt about it, this time of year can be much more stressful and complicated for families coping with divorce or separation issues. It can be especially tough and depressing for your children.
While the challenges for everyone in the family may be enormous, remember: you’re certainly not alone.
Whether you’re coping with loneliness without the children for the first time … overwhelming scheduling problems … questions about integrating in-laws and other family into your post-divorce holiday plans … sad or angry children … battles with your ex … or more … there are others in our community dealing with similar issues.
Let’s reach out and support one another – and share our best advice for getting through this season as whole and centered as possible.
On this blog I invite you to ask questions. Provide suggestions.
What are your greatest challenges this Holiday Season?
We can help! I look forward to seeing you there.
Sincere best wishes to you all!
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce
PS: I also encourage you to visit me on Facebook at the Child-Centered Divorce Network. At Facebook.com search for Child-Centered Divorce. Then LIKE the page, and share your comments there as well!
PPS: Need some professional help? Click on the COACHING button at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com and check out my three new options!