Moving through or beyond Divorce?

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3 Signs You’re Ready For A Divorce – ...

3 Signs You’re Ready For A Divorce – Especially If You’re A Parent! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC [caption id="attachment_2259" align="alignleft" width="320"] Divorce catches kids in the middle[/caption] Is it ever right to consider divorce, especially if you’re a parent? Of course, divorce should be avoided whenever possible. It’s not a solution to marital problems. More like an escape hatch – with no guarantee of a happy ending. If you don’t master the art of fair fighting, using effective communication skills, showing empathy and compassion for the needs of your partner, divorce is not likely to be of value in your life. Chances are you’ll move on to another toxic relationship, bringing with you the same unresolved baggage and issues which are destined to lead to new discord with your new partner. That said, there are sigs that divorce might be the best option for a couple, especially if they are parents. These include: Irreconcilable Disrespect: If one or both partners reach a point

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Why You Must Let Go of Grudges After ...

Why You Must Let Go of Grudges After Your Divorce! By Rosalind Sedacca, CLC  “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Gandhi [caption id="attachment_2893" align="alignleft" width="800"] Anger-Conflict Programs for Co-Parenting & Other Life Challenges[/caption] Divorce can be a major stumbling block to our happiness and personal growth. Holding grudges and resentments have proven to be harmful to your physical health and emotional wellbeing. Forgiveness is a productive way to move forward, detach from the past and let go of lingering hurts so you can experience a healthier, more promising future. It is not uncommon to resent the people closest to us because they have often done us some harm such as violating our trust through a lie, betrayal, deceit or abuse. However, resentment comes at a big cost to you. When you can’t let go of hurt and anger, it builds into a resentment or grudge. That feeling can take hold of you growing to

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Is It Parental Conflict – Or Divorce ...

Is It Parental Conflict – Or Divorce – That Most Damages Children? By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC [caption id="attachment_2310" align="alignleft" width="200"] Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce[/caption] So often I am asked: Is it divorce or parental discord that most damages children? More and more evidence points at the attitude of the parents being most influential on the outcome for innocent children. Numerous articles by marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim address this topic in ways that are both relevant and, quite surprising for many. That’s because she refutes common misconceptions about divorce and addresses the real issues of concern. According to Bettelheim, “Studies conducted in the past 20 years have shown that on all meaningful measures of success -- social, economic, intellectual and psychological -- most adult children from divorced families are no worse off than their peers whose parents remained married.” Researchers have found two explanations for this, notes Bettelheim. “Children who have to cope with their parents’ separation and post-divorce

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6 Break the Divorce News to the Kids ...

6 Break the Divorce News to the Kids Messages for Divorcing Parents By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC [caption id="attachment_2405" align="alignleft" width="211"] The best approach to breaking the divorce news to your children![/caption] One of the most difficult conversations any parent will ever have is telling their children about their pending divorce. I know first-hand because many years ago I went through the experience. I fought and faced the overwhelming emotions. The deep gut-wrenching fear. The continuous anxiety. The incredible guilt. And the oppressive weight of shame. My son, after all, was innocent. A sweet, gentle soul who loved his father and mother dearly. He certainly did not deserve this. I struggled with the anxiety for weeks in advance. When should I tell him? How should I tell him? Should we tell him together? And most frightening of all, WHAT SHOULD WE SAY? How do you explain to a child that the life he has known, the comfort he has felt in his family

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Is There a “Gift” in Your Divorce? F...

Is There a “Gift” in Your Divorce?  Find the “Silver Lining” and You Will Flourish! [caption id="attachment_3353" align="alignleft" width="300"] Find the reward in your divorce experience.[/caption] By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC When we are in the midst of life trauma, like a divorce, it is very difficult to experience anything but the pain, disappointment, hurt and anguish related to that experience. That’s only natural. But very often, in hindsight, we can find meaning, relevance, valuable lessons and insights that were the direct result of those major life challenges. Without that life-altering event we would not become the more resilient, more successful person we are today. Many people look upon that result as the “gift” they received from the experience – the wisdom they gleaned, the turning point they needed to move on to a new chapter in their lives. They look back and can say the lesson was tough, but they don’t regret it in the least. I believe divorce can be looked upon as one

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Divorced Parents: Keys For Coping Wit...

Divorced Parents: Keys For Coping With Anxiety And Guilt By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC [caption id="attachment_2666" align="alignleft" width="300"] Children are affected by divorce[/caption] Not surprisingly, guilt is often an integral part of the equation for parents coping with divorce. No parent wants their child to have to go through the turmoil of a parental divorce or separation. This is especially true for the parent initiating the divorce. Sometimes the internal battle over whether to move ahead with the divorce can go on for years before the final decision is made. Complicating matters is the anxiety connected to breaking the divorce news to children and fear of the consequences for each child. Often, parents don’t want to discuss the divorce after the initial conversation. It brings up anxiety about what our children will be saying and reluctance to hear feedback that will produce sadness, anger or guilt in us. In addition, it may also be difficult to listen to negative comments

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Divorced Parents: Effective Communica...

Divorced Parents: Effective Communication Is Key to Co-Parenting Success [caption id="attachment_2796" align="alignleft" width="158"] Children affected by Divorce[/caption] By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC While divorce may end a marriage, when you’re a parent it doesn’t end the need for working together on behalf of your children. How you communicate with one another about parenting issues will affect your children today and for years to come. Here are some tips on keeping communication with your Ex as effective as possible. Communicate in writing  Use online co-parenting tools such as MoietyApp.com to schedule co-parenting appointments and keep clear records of all conversations, notes, memos, and details. Avoid in-person or telephone talk if there is growing conflict. Writing enables you to express yourself clearly and succinctly. Emails, texts and faxes record dates and time which can also be useful. Focus on the present and the future      Communication is not about re-hashing old wounds and arguments. Focus on the issues at hand keeping

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Divorced Parents’ 10 Biggest Pa...

Divorced Parents’ 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes To Avoid! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Some parents think once they are divorced and most of the decisions have been made, the worst is behind them. Unfortunately, parenting after divorce is a week by week experience. Your success depends on the decisions you make, your attitude toward your situation and your compassion for your innocent children. You may have heard it all before, but smart parents quiz themselves regularly to see if they are not falling into some of the traps of destructive post-divorce parenting. If you find yourself making any of these mistakes, it’s never too late to make amends. You may have to alter decisions, change some behaviors, give yourself an attitude adjustment and even apologize to your children – or to their other parent! Keep in mind, we all make mistakes that we regret. It’s part of the learning process – especially when we’re parents. It’s far better to

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Talking To Your Children About Divorc...

Talking To Your Children About Divorce by Browell Smith & Co

Raising Healthy, Well-Adjusted Childr...

Raising Healthy, Well-Adjusted Children – Despite Divorce [caption id="attachment_2677" align="alignleft" width="150"] Co-parenting & single parenting after divorce[/caption] Amy Sherman, LMHC is one of the contributors to my internationally-acclaimed book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Today she shares some of her wisdom based on her private practice and years of working with pre-teen and teen populations.  Parenting is a continual learning process, which is compounded when you are going through a divorce. Not only does it require an understanding of the child’s needs and the skills to meet those needs, but it requires additional special attention. Talking to your children about the divorce could be one of the most difficult experiences of parenting, because you want, of course, your wisdom to be heard and then your child to apply it. From my work with divorced parents and their children, I have gained much insight

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