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Meet Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Rosalind Sedacca is recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce. She is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents. Rosalind is also the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! This internationally acclaimed ebook provides an innovative new approach to breaking the divorce news to your children and setting the stage for positive parenting ahead. Rosalind also provides Personal Coaching services, via phone or Skype, on all facets of divorce and parenting issues. Her Mastering Child-Centered Divorce 10-hr Audio Coaching Program with Workbook provides valuable insights, tips and advice on co-parenting successfully on behalf of the children you love! Rosalind’s helpful resources throughout this website will help you create the best possible outcome for your family in the months, years and decades to come.
Experts Endorse Rosalind's Book …

"Rosalind's book is unique in that it offers parents an innovative approach to having that difficult and usually dreaded initial conversation with their children and making it as positive and supportive as possible. A parent contemplating a divorce would be well served by reading this valuable book."

Raoul Felder,
Celebrity Divorce Attorney

"Rosalind's brilliant book's non-judgmental, compassionate and no-nonsense approach will resonate with all divorcing parents – even those with the most challenging relationships. It is a critical piece of the divorce puzzle, and a must read!"

Cynthia Tiano, Esq.

"I highly recommend this as more than a book, but a tool to assist children to more successfully navigate the disorientation and maze that comes as part of divorce."

C. Paul Wanio, Ph.D., LMFT, LMHC

"This hands-on interactive storybook is a must for all parents going through a divorce. It is a step-by-step guide for appropriately including children in the process. No parent should leave their home without it!"

Sally Goldberg, PhD
Center for Successful Children

"Rosalind Sedacca has invaluable information to share with divorcing parents. There is no other book a couple needs to help them with the most difficult conversation a parent can have with a child, that their parents are getting divorced. You are VERY lucky to have found my partner in the peaceful divorce movement."

Belinda Rachman, Esq

"Rosalind Sedacca has just improved the lives of countless children. I have practiced divorce law for 44 years and will attest to the importance of how children are introduced to their parents' divorce. How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? gives us something simple and sound to rely upon. There is absolutely no downside to Rosalind's storybook concept. It's all good and it beats anything else that I've come across. In fact, it's great and it is definitely something that the world has needed. The book is a winner and it is also a lifesaver."

J. Richard Kulerski, Esq

"Rosalind Sedacca has made a monumental contribution to self-help resources in an area that affects the lives of millions of men, women and children. After 32 years of counseling people in various stages of uncoupling, I can testify to the urgent need of a "how to" guide for people contemplating divorce. This book offers them a "life preserver." I have already referred my patients to this material and have received great feedback. I cannot recommend this book highly enough."

Beverly Gibel, LCSW, ACSW, BCD

"Rosalind Sedacca's 'How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE?' is a much needed breakthrough in the emotional minefield that parents traverse when they prepare their children for an impending divorce. The template, storybook strategy sends sensitive, kind, loving and safe messages which every child needs as they prepare for the scary unknown. I recommend her book for everyone who has children and is contemplating divorce."

Jack Singer, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical & Forensic Psychologist, LCSW, ACSW, BCD

Posts Tagged ‘children upset about divorce’

postheadericon How to Talk to Your Kids When They are Upset About Your Divorce

A Guest Post by Ben Stich

The last thing divorced or separated parents want is for their kids to be hurt by their break-up any more than necessary. There is nothing worse for a parent than to see their child in pain. Yet, it is almost inevitable that the kids will experience some level of pain, disappointment and confusion.

Human nature being what it is, it is normal for divorced parents to have difficulty tolerating their children’s distress. As a result, some conversations between an anxious soon-to-be divorced mother and her upset son go something like this:

Parent: What’s wrong, honey?
Son: Why do you have to get divorced? I hate it!

Parent: It’s going to be, OK.
Son: (Sniffling). But, but…

Parent: Don’t worry, everything will be OK.
Son: OK, Mommy.

At first blush, it seems like this mother did a nice job of reassuring her child, right?

No!

This exchange is about the parent – despite her good intentions – making herself feel better. She believes she helped calm down her child and probably feels less anxious. But how does her child really feel?

Worse, most likely.

This child had a legitimate concern: hating that his parents were getting divorced. There could be many unintended consequences of such a parental response, including:

  • The son thinking that he was doing something wrong by being upset (by something that is clearly upsetting)
  • The son believing that his mother does not want to hear about his feelings
  • The mother ensuring that she never learns what about the divorce is upsetting to him
  • The mother leaving potentially resolvable problems unsolved
  • The mother breaking down open communication with her son

Listen to Your Child

It is incredibly important that divorced parents put their angst about their child’s distress aside and become curious about what their child has to say. Let’s see how this fictional mother/son dialogue might look with a different approach.

Parent: What’s wrong, honey?
Child: Why do you have to get divorced? I hate it!

Parent: You really hate that we’re getting divorced, huh?
Child: Yeah, it’s not fair at all.

Parent: I know – you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not fair. What about the divorce is upsetting you?
Child: I don’t know. Forget about it.

Parent: No, honey – I want to know. It’s important.
Child: Well, I don’t know – I mean – well…

Parent: Yes?
Child: I wish I could go back to camp next year and now that you are divorced I can’t. It’s not fair!

Parent: Why do you think you can’t go back to camp?
Child: Because I switch back and forth every other weekend between you and Dad. And it’s so far away from Dad’s house so you won’t be able to take me.

Parent: So you think that you won’t be able to go to camp because of the divorce and how the schedule works? And because it’s too far away from Dad?
Child: Yes! I don’t want to talk about this anymore…

Parent: Well, I’m not sure if you can’t go to camp. Would you like me to talk to Dad to see if there is anyway we can work it out?
Child: But you don’t even live together so how can you work it out?

Parent: Dad and I are still your parents and there are some decisions that we still make together. I’m not sure if we can work it out but we can try. Did you tell Dad you wanted to go to camp?

You can imagine how this might play out and that it may be easily solved. Maybe they change the summer schedule…maybe they look in to a bus to camp…maybe he attends for two weeks instead of three…

The point is that because the mother listened to her son – truly listened to both his feelings and his concerns – the son felt understood and encouraged to talk about his thoughts and feelings. This ultimately allowed the parents to address what was bothering him in a productive way.

Looking at this vignette there are several strategies that can help separated or divorced parents listen to their children:

Reflect Back What You Hear: Stating what you think your child is saying – in your words or in his own – helps ensure that you truly understand what is being said and validates for the child that what they have to say is important. And feeling heard and understood is a great way to help someone upset calm down!

Be Patient: It can take time for children to figure out how to express their thoughts and feelings to adults. Stay patient and offer gentle encouragement. The payoff will be huge!

Ask Open-Ended Questions: An opened-ended question is one that requires an answer that is more complex than yes or no. If you put your assumptions aside and avoid asking a yes/no question you will often be surprised by what is revealed!

Avoid Promises: In this scenario the mother committed to trying to figure it out with her ex but did not make a promise. Making a promise and not following through – which can happen despite the best of intentions – will destroy trust and deteriorate open communication with your child.

Being Transparent About Co-Parenting: Children feel safer and more secure when they know that the parents still work together to parent the child. The marriage may be forever dismantled but the child will be loved and taken care of by his parents. What better way to decrease the anxiety a child might feel about divorce?

One of the best ways to minimize the negative impact of divorce on children is to do nothing more than listen to them and talk to rather than at your children. What they have to say is very important. So listen.

 

About the Author: Ben Stich provides family and divorce mediation in Massachusetts. He specializes in working with parents and teens, divorcing couples, divorced parents, and couples that want to stay married. His blog helps families improve communication and manage family conflict. Learn more at www.benstich.com.



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