divorce and children Archives - Child-Centered Divorce

What Children of Divorce Wish Their Pare...

Children are deeply affected by divorce: do it right! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Children of divorce learn a lot from their parents. They pick up on feelings, both shared and hidden, as well as on spoken and unspoken messages. They watch their parents’ behavior and experience the consequences of the decisions and choices both parents make. Most children can’t express what they’re seeing and learning, but they know what they feel. And they understand what it’s like to be confused, angry, hurt or afraid. If your child could tell you what it’s like to be in their shoes, you’d likely try to be more sensitive when talking to them or about them. Sadly, most children can’t put their feelings in words -- even teens. So, it’s up to parents who are facing divorce or parenting after divorce, to be especially empathic toward their children. What your

Child-Centered Divorce

5 Steps To Better Communication With Your Children – For A Better Divorce Outcome!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or ager. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills, become more clinging – or more aloof – depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce. This is a time to master the art of good parent/child communication so you can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again – despite the changes inflicted by your divorce. Here are some solid tips for more effective communication with your children. Master them today and they will work on your behalf for years

How Do I Tell the Kids About The Divorce?

Parents: Don’t Overlook Your Child’s Reaction To Your Divorce!

Be aware of the emotional toll of divorce on children! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC: Parenting is always complex. Parenting following a divorce can add many other layers of distraction and confusion to the mix. That makes it even more important for parents to be aware of how their children are responding to the divorce. Misunderstanding your child’s stage of development One common error parents make is misunderstanding their child’s stage of development. That can lead to irrational and unrealistic expectations. Too often parents will assume that their child has a better handle on their emotions and a deeper understanding of human nature than is really possible at their age. So when their child acts out or otherwise misbehaves, it’s easy to misinterpret their intentions. Parents mistakenly see children, even teens, as little adults who bring adult reasoning and comprehension to daily circumstances. With that mindset, it’s

Parenting After Divorce

10 Key Questions Divorced Co-Parents Must Answer If You Really Love Your Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorced parents face challenges that are not only complex; they are long lasting as well. There are many variations of joint parenting, co-parenting and other forms of divorced parenting based on how well both parents get along, their geographical proximity, the age of the children and other contributing factors. Every decision made will affect the children involved -- and the impact can be detected in children’s behavior, attitudes and levels of self-esteem. To help parents co-parent more effectively I’ve created a list of significant questions to ask yourselves. I share these during mentoring sessions with parents not only before, but long after the divorce as well. If you sit together and discuss these questions, or review them during mediation, it can help you avoid serious mistakes and unnecessary strife now and well into the future. The more honest you are with yourself and your former spouse,

Parenting After Divorce

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Divorced Parents: Alone For the Holidays Can Be Especially Tough!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Are you facing alone time without the kids this holiday season? Often that’s one of the saddest consequences of divorce when you’re a parent. What do you do when your children are visiting their other parent? While short-term periods when the kids are away can be a welcome break for an overscheduled single parent, for others the intervals between seeing the children can be long and lonely. It can be particularly challenging when your friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings. Don’t sink into despair. It’s really important at this time to get creative and absorbed in activities that you find personally fulfilling. This can become an ideal time to reflect on meeting your own needs and finding new people, activities and events that bring joy into your life. Among the greatest challenges for divorced parents is avoiding self-pity. When you’re overwhelmed by

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorced Parents: 6 Steps To Stop Scarring Your Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Let’s face it, divorce impacts everyone in the family. But it doesn’t have to scar your children if you remember to put their emotional and psychological needs first when making crucial decisions. Keep in mind that every decision you make regarding your divorce will affect the wellbeing of your children in a multitude of serious ways. Of course, the emotional scars are not only harder to see, they’re also much harder to erase. Here are 6 clear ways to avoid scarring or wounding your kids as you move through your divorce and transition into your new life afterwards. 1) Stop conflict and fighting around the kids! Studies show time and again that it is conflict and tension around children that creates the most difficulties for them related to divorce. It’s not the divorce itself! That means parents can ease the process for their kids by eliminating

Parenting After Divorce

Shared Parenting & Child Custody – Put Down the Boxing Gloves

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC When divorced parents let the negative emotions they're feeling toward their former spouses - hatred, hurt, disappointment, guilt, shame, anxiety, frustration, mistrust and more - influence their decisions about child-custody issues, they are sabotaging their children. It is selfish, insensitive and extremely unproductive to let your personal vendetta determine the relationship your children have with their other parent – and extended family on both sides. Throughout the U.S. and the world divorce professionals are talking about proposed changes to child custody legislation. Investigative committees are being formed and new legislation is being considered about whether shared parenting may be the best custodial situation for all children of divorcing parents. While I am a strong advocate of shared parenting - it worked very successfully for me - I do not believe it's the right or only answer for everyone. Because every situation is different when it comes

Child-Centered Divorce

Bashing Your Ex Has Bad Consequences For Children Of Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems. We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way. When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part

Parenting After Divorce

Are Your Kids Paying The Price For Your Difficult Divorce? How Not To Sabotage Your Divorce For the Sake of the Kids!

Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Most people believe belive that it’s divorce itself that scars children. But the real truth is HOW PARENTS HANDLE THE DIVORCE IS WHAT DOES THE MOST DAMAGE! Know that, I faced a lot of skepticism, from both the media and from parents, when I started my work as Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. There were gender battles between mothers and fathers – each side accusing the other of being damaging to the wellbeing of the children. There were sweeping generalizations about the impact of divorce on children – with cultural and religious contention that divorce was bad and staying together for the sake of the kids was somehow morally superior! I fought those battels on TV, radio, blogs, magazine articles and social media – and slowly found support and strong endorsements from experts around the

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model You Want Your Kids To Be

By Rosalind Sedacca I recently came upon this quote from British blogger, David Bly: “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Basically that’s the best advice anyone can give any parent. It’s especially relevant when faced with challenging times, such as your divorce. It’s estimated that 40% of our children will experience the divorce of their parents. The outcome is not the same for all children or all families. That’s why it’s so important for parents facing divorce to understand that every decision you make has consequences that affect your children as well as your own well-being for years and decades to come. As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’ve found that many parents are short-sighted when it comes to understanding the effects of divorce on their children. They don’t understand that emotional wounds in childhood lead to behaviors in the teen years

Child-Centered Divorce

What Children of Divorce Wish Their Pare...

5 Steps To Better Communication With You...

Parents: Don’t Overlook Your Child’s Rea

10 Key Questions Divorced Co-Parents Mus...

Divorced Parents: Alone For the Holidays...

Divorced Parents: 6 Steps To Stop Scarri...

Shared Parenting & Child Custody – Put D

Bashing Your Ex Has Bad Consequences For...

Are Your Kids Paying The Price For Your ...

Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model You...

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