Posts Tagged ‘divorce attorneys’
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
In recognition of International Child-Centered Divorce Month divorce experts around the world will be providing free ebooks, coaching services, teleseminars and other gifts to divorced parents throughout January. This is the eighth commemoration launched through the Child-Centered Divorce Network. The featured sponsor is Our Family Wizard, a website designed to help manage shared parenting online.
ICCD Month is dedicated to alerting parents about the effects of divorce on children – and how to prevent emotional and psychological damage to children during and after a divorce.
Divorce attorneys, mediators, therapists, financial planners, coaches and other professionals on four continents will be participating. Their purpose is to promote peaceful divorce, cooperative co-parenting, and educating parents about how to prevent negative consequences for children affected by separation or divorce.
More divorces are initiated in January, following the holiday season, than in any other month. The CCD Network has created a special website where parents can access free ebooks, coaching services, videos, audio programs and other valuable gifts by simply clicking links. The website will be available throughout January at www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook.
In addition, parents can find listings of free workshops, teleseminars, webinars and other special events being held during January on the Events Calendar at the same website: www.divorceparentsupport.com/ebook.
I am thrilled that divorce professionals around the world will be joining us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children’s well-being before, during and after divorce. Our purpose is education and mistake prevention. We want to encourage mediation instead of damaging litigation, respectful co-parenting, effective communication skills, and guide parents away from common mistakes that scar children, even into their teens.
We can never overemphasize how parental decisions about divorce can affect and scar children – for years – and often for a lifetime. Our resounding message to divorcing parents is: Regardless of your own emotional state, it is essential to put your children’s needs first when making decisions related to divorce or separation! Often that means letting go of anger and resentment in favor of co-operative co-parenting so your children aren’t robbed of their childhood.
For more information about International Child-Centered Divorce Month plus access to all the free gifts and special events taking place in January visit: www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook.
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
When famous celebrities like Mel Gibson, Denise Richards, Halle Berry and others battle through a divorce, the stakes are high. Millions of dollars are often in contention, blurring issues related to child-custody and visitation. These couples hire killer attorneys and commit to paying an enormous price — which includes not only hefty legal fees, but a tremendous time expenditure and emotional toll.
Too many non-celebrity couples facing divorce blindly choose this same path – often without considering the reality of all the costs involved. They do not have the revenue to maintain ongoing litigation in the courts. Nor do they have a game plan for putting together the pieces of their shattered family after the legal battles are finally over. Sadly they come to realize that celebrities are usually poor role models. They don’t necessarily make the wisest decisions regarding their children’s best interest as they move through and beyond divorce.
It’s easy to forget that divorce litigation is really a luxury, not a necessity. And it’s often a luxury that results in material success at the cost of familial success. Not only is fighting expensive, it’s often more about ego than concern for the best interest of your kids. The money spent in court fighting over details could instead be used for living expenses or savings toward your child’s education. Those same issues could just as easily have been resolved through mediation or Collaborative Law – and at a much lower price.
Too often the only real winners in family courts are the two divorce attorneys. When you are paid by the hour to keep your client in the ring, it’s unlikely that peaceful resolution is a strong motivator. So it’s go for the jugular – and then let Mom and Dad pick up the broken chards of their lives while creating a workable plan for parenting the innocent children waiting on the sidelines.
When emotions are strained between two parents it’s hard to think about cooperation, let alone aligning yourself with one another on behalf of your children. That’s when an objective party needs to add some sanity and clarity to the mix. Parents need to be reminded that no one knows your children better than both of you. And that’s what Child-Centered Divorce is all about. Do you really want a stranger deciding the fate of your children – or the outcome of how much time you get to be with them? Is it worth the gamble to put your family’s future in the hands of an overworked family court judge? Wouldn’t the advice of professional counselors, mediators or collaborative divorce attorneys – all child-advocates who work toward finding long-term resolutions that work for everyone in the family – be a wiser (and more cost-effective) choice?
How do you think your children want Mom and Dad to handle decisions affecting their family after divorce? What will you say to them when they are grown adults and question your choices? Are litigation battles really in your family’s best interest? Think long and hard before you answer. Your children will thank you!
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Rosalind Sedacca, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! To learn more about the ebook, visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. For free articles, her free ezine, coaching services and other valuable resources for parents, visit: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Custody issues are a huge challenge in every divorce involving children. I am a strong advocate of co-parenting whenever possible. However, because every situation is different when it comes to divorce, I certainly don’t believe legislation should determine custody outcomes for any family. These are issues that caring, conscious parents should be deciding together with only one goal in mind – the very best interest of their children.
Unfortunately, too many parents approach this sensitive subject as adversaries. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. Parents are pitted against each other and innocent children inevitably pay the price.
When custodial decisions move into contention, creating a scenario where lawyers, legislation and courts determine the direction of your children’s future, you not only lose power in your life, you lose harmony within your already fragile family structure.
There is another way. When you create a child-centered divorce, your children win – on every level. Parents who make a concerted effort to sit down with each other before bringing in legal representation can save themselves from hours of aggravation and legal fees. These parents discuss the future well-being of their kids together, keeping their perspective where it really belongs – on the children. To do this, they must take into account and ask themselves some very serious questions:
- What’s best for our children today, tomorrow and in the years to come?
- How can we minimize the physical, emotional and spiritual damage inflicted upon our children as a result of our pending divorce?
- How can we best support our children through this difficult time?
- How can we show your love and compassion for them as they move through challenges they did not ask for — or create?
- What can we do to boost their sense of security, self-esteem and well-being during the transitions ahead?
- Who can provide the least traumatic home environment for the children – and for what percent of each day, week, month and year?
- How can each of us best contribute our assets – physical, emotional and spiritual – to create harmony, good will and peace within the changed family structure?
- How will our children look back at this divorce a year, five years, ten years and more from now? Will they understand?
- How can we make life better for our children after the divorce than it was before?
The answers to these questions are not simple, nor are they black and white. They require honest communication between two mature adults who have their children’s best interest at heart. And yes, it may likely take more than the two of you to come to resolution on all the child-custody details. That’s where you can enlist the aid of professionals — mediators, therapists, counselors, life coaches and clergy. These experienced and knowledgeable experts will approach your divorce from a child-focused perspective. They have the tools and insight to help you reach agreement on issues that will affect the total well-being of your children in the least-derisive manner.
As tough as this process may appear, wouldn’t you prefer to make these decisions together, before you approach the court – and lawyers, rather than having them made for you?
When parents let the negative emotions they’re feeling toward their spouses – hatred, hurt, disappointment, guilt, shame, anxiety, frustration, mistrust and more – influence their decisions about child-custody issues, they are sabotaging their children. It is selfish, insensitive and extremely unproductive to let your personal vendetta determine the relationship your children have with their other parent. You are allowing personal satisfaction to get in the way of your parental responsibilities toward your kids. And the cost – to them as well as to you – will be high. (Many children, as they grow, come to resent a parent who keeps them from having a positive relationship with their other parent, leading to alienation and other negative outcomes.)
Upcoming posts here will address some of the questions loving parents need to address in creating a child-centered divorce as well as the consequences when parents put their own needs before those of their children. I value your comments and suggestions as we explore this important topic for families touched by separation or divorce.
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and author of the internationally-acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! The book helps parents create a unique personal family storybook that guides you through this difficult transition with optimum results. To learn more visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. To get her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca All rights reserved.
икониApril 25th is the sixth annual recognition of Parental Alienation Day. It is a time for all divorced parents to reflect on their relationship with their former spouse and how it may be subtly or overtly affecting the emotional and psychological well-being of their children.
One behavior commonly overlooked as a very hurtful aspect of Parental Alienation involves one parent keeping the other from contact with the children – as punishment.
Threatening To Keep Your Ex From the Kids
Divorced parents can quickly learn ways to abuse their power over the other parent by using the children as a lever. Among the most harmful of these types of manipulations is making demands and threatening to eliminate or restrict contact with the kids if your ex doesn’t agree.
Most all divorced parents have incidents and expectations that cause great frustration or anger toward their ex. But you’re stepping over the line when you make the kids a pawn in your negotiations. Demanding that your ex does something or stops another behavior and using contact with the children as punishment not only hurts your ex. It hurts, scars, confuses and frustrates your children, as well.
Putting your kids in the midst of parental conflict is toxic and has proven to be one of the greatest causes of post-divorce family problems. Children are torn about taking sides. It’s a no-win situation because they feel guilty regardless of how they choose.
Even if your ex is in some ways a negative influence on your children, there may be other aspects of the relationship in which the contact is positive, beneficial and nurturing. Let your children make the decision about whether to minimize contact with their other parent, based on their own experiences. Never let your personal bitterness influence whether your children have a relationship and an emotional connection with their Dad or Mom – unless there is actual abuse that threatens their well-being.
Remember that your divorce is between Mom and Dad, and not your relationship with your children. All children need positive role models of responsible parenting. They benefit from seeing two mature adults interacting effectively as parents for the sake of their kids. Children thrive under the attention of both parents. Don’t deny them the psychological value of knowing both Mom and Dad are there for them, continue to love them and will be nurturing them through the years ahead – despite the divorce.
That affirmation of support will get your kids through challenges ahead that all children face as they progress through school, tackle their own interpersonal relationships and learn how to be positive, productive citizens in this world. Be a hero in your children’s lives. Bite your tongue, vent to your friends, and make responsible decisions you can be proud of as a parent – for the sake of your kids!
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is author of the internationally acclaimed ebook How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! To grab her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting along with her ezine and other valuable resources for parents go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca All rights reserved.