Here is an excellent article written by Paul Wanio, PhD, LMFT. Dr. Wanio is one of the contributors to my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? I know you’ll find his checklist a valuable asset for tuning in to your children before, during and after your divorce. Print out and keep this information handy so you can refer to it whenever needed.
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Below is a checklist of feelings a child typically experiences when facing their parent’s divorce. Review it yourself first and then use it as a springboard for discussion with your child. This list was compiled by Dr. Paul Wanio, one of the psychotherapists who contributes to my up-coming book, “How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?” Dr. Wanio suggests, “Even if your child is reluctant to admit to some of the feelings listed, you can say, “Okay, but if you did ever feel like that, I could understand it, and it would be okay for us to talk about … okay?” He says you can also ask, “Do you ever feel angry with me? Well, I can understand it if you do and I still love you even when you’re angry. Do you ever worry about…?”
Review the checklist to identify troubling issues, clarify misconceptions and reassure your child that he/she is loved, cared for, not at fault, and that things will work out.
Go over each category without presuming you already know how your child will respond. Check any items that your child is currently experiencing, that you would like to come back to, or that you would like your former spouse to take note of and discuss. (Some of these may also apply to yourself.)
[ ] SHOCK AND DENIAL: “It can’t be happening.”
[ ] ANGER: “How could you do this to me?”
[ ] DEPRESSION AND DESPAIR: “There’s no hope, no future, no love,
no answers.”
[ ] EMBARRASSMENT: “What will others think? Something is wrong with
me and/or my family.”
(Continue Reading …)