Parenting After Divorce Archives - Child-Centered Divorce

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

By Rosalind Sedacca CDC Divorce, like life, is rarely neat and packaged. This is especially true for divorcing parents. The reality of divorce comes with challenges. Unexpected twists, constant frustrations and times of utter helplessness when children act out or pull away. Here are three important tips for coping and responding when your children are venting or lashing out. Or perhaps, expressing their own frustrations about being caught up in a family adjusting to separation or divorce. 1. Diffuse blame Some children, especially pre-teens and teens, may blame one parent or the other for the divorce. Sometimes they may be correct in this interpretation. Especially under situations they have been aware of for years (alcoholism, absent parent, domestic violence, etc.). Other times they side with one parent as a result of their prior relationship dynamics with that parent. Regardless of why you or your spouse are blamed, keep your cool.

Parenting After Divorce

Teens Taking Sides A Painful Consequence of Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC I received the following question which poses many challenges related to divorce and parenting. While there is never a one-size-fits-all answer to relationship questions, I’m sharing my response with you as a perspective worth considering. This may be useful to initiate conversations with your former spouse and children or for discussion with a therapist or divorce coach if you are seeing one. I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine. My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to

Parenting After Divorce

Talk “To” – Not “At” – Your Child … Through Divorce and Beyond

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Most parents don't know how to talk to their children. It's one of the underlying reasons for parent-child communication, respect and trust issues within the family dynamic. You wouldn't think one would need to be reminded to talk to your children. Unfortunately, many parents need just such a reminder -- especially in today's mega-paced culture in which just sitting down to a family dinner together seems to be a major accomplishment. Too often busy parents find themselves talking "at" their children, but not "to" them. And most especially, not "with" them. This, of course, is problematic in any family trying to raise socially, emotionally and spiritually healthy children. However, it is especially dangerous if that family is facing the challenges of divorce or separation. If your parent-child communication skills and rapport is not optimal before discussions about divorce or family lifestyle changes come up, the likeliness

Parenting After Divorce

Divorce and Parenting: Teaching Valuable Life Lessons to Your Children

Communication with your child is essential. By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC As a divorced parent, what lessons and behaviors are you modeling for your children? The messages you convey will influence your children into adulthood. Here's valuable advice on leaving a positive imprint on the children you love! Bad things can happen to good people. Divorce is a prime example. Good people get divorced. Responsible people who are loving parents get caught in the decision to end a loveless or deceitful marriage. The consequences of that decision can either be life affirming or destroying, depending upon how each parent approaches this transition. Parents who are blinded by blame and anger are not likely to learn much through the experience. They see their former spouse as the total problem in their life and are convinced that getting rid of that problem through divorce will bring ultimate resolution. These

Parenting After Divorce

Divorced Parents: Never “Guilt” Your Kids For Loving Their Other Parent!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all know that one of the biggest divorced parent “don’ts” is putting down or disrespecting your children’s other parent to them. Clearly, while it’s tempting to badmouth your co-parcoment for the way they’ve hurt you in the marriage, venting to the kids puts them in a very uncomfortable position. They love both of their parents and don’t want to hear from you about the ways your ex misbehaved or initiated your divorce. There’s another element in this conversation that doesn’t get as much attention – but certainly needs to be addressed. And that’s the “guilt factor.” It’s based on your forbidding or discouraging your children from expressing love or talking about their other parent around you. Kids naturally want to talk about their lives. They like to share things they might have done with their other parent, especially the fun times. Very often our expressions,

Parenting After Divorce

5 Keys To Help Your Kids Transition Between Post-Divorce Homes

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting plans and contact schedules are an important part of divorce proceedings. They help create a semblance of routine in this new chapter of family life for divorcing parents. And for the children you love. I am a strong believer in co-parenting whenever possible to serve the best interest of your children. But not all couples can work together with civility and harmony. So sometimes parallel parenting becomes the plan. That usually translates into you both parent the children but with minimum communication between one another. Keep in mind that your kids pick up on the emotional energy around their parents. It's no surprise that life after divorce is smoother and easier when both parents behave maturely and responsibly. However you work out your shared parenting plan, it’s the day-to-day challenges of post-divorce life that puts all co-parents to the test. Here are 5 important

Parenting After Divorce

5 Steps To Moving On After Divorce Based On Parental Awareness & Acceptance

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC What’s holding you back from moving on after your divorce? Are there constructive steps you can take to transition into the better life you desire and certainly deserve? Here are some important points to consider and take action on. They will enable you to create a healthier, more gratifying new chapter in your life – for you and your children. LET GO OF THE NEGATIVE If you truly want to move on from your divorce you must learn to let go of negative emotions that hold you hostage. These include anger, resentment, blame, jealousy, hatred and anxiety. Of course, there is a time and place for experiencing those emotions. Feel them; mourn the dream that turned sour. Then make a decision to let them go. Do this for your benefit – not on behalf of your former spouse. Negative emotions can hold you in limbo and

Parenting After Divorce

Your Children Are Deeply Affected By Your Emotions After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce can be devastating when you’re a parent. You can’t just crawl into a hole and grieve, rant or rage. You must still care for the well-being of your children. And sometimes this is a challenge that overwhelms, resulting in parents who can’t cope with the responsibilities of parenting. When this happens, your children pay a high price. And too often, the parents aren’t totally aware of how their kids are affected. It’s not always easy to remember that your children may be grieving as deeply as you are during and after divorce. It’s even more frightening for them because they were not responsible for the divorce. Nor are they responsible for the complex dynamics that led up to the split. Their fears are also compounded by apprehension about whether either parent will ever divorce them? And then, what will happen to them and their family

Parenting After Divorce

Balancing Boundaries & Privacy Issues as Divorced Co-Parents By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC After divorce most parents want to keep their private lives private. They don’t want the children sharing too many details about their visit time. This can create frustration for parents as they struggle to find balance in the privacy versus sharing equation. And there’s no simple solution. Often your co-parent may ask the kids not to tell you about what they did, ate or talked about during their visits. Yet, as a parent, it’s only natural to ask questions. To want to know how your kids spent their time. Handled compassionately, you can avoid needless conflict. Asking your children to “spy” on their other parent puts them in an awkward situation. They feel guilty, pressured and confused, especially if either parent tells them not to share specific information. This complex topic needs to be addressed between both parents. And should be agreed upon in

Parenting After Divorce

Co-parenting Cooperatively So You Can Protect Your Children!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry provides this advice. Children of divorce do best when both of their parents continue to be actively involved in their lives. It's the ongoing connection that makes the positive difference for children, minimizing the fact that their parents no longer live together. That's why co-parenting is so universally encouraged after divorce. It's a meaningful way to reduce the long-term emotional impact on children. Co-parenting styles and arrangements can differ widely from family to family to suit their individual needs. However, most all professionals agree that co-parenting will only succeed if some basic commitments are made. Equally important, significant mistakes must be avoided. Here are some good rules to follow: 1. Don't deny your child personal time with both of their parents. To help your child defeat the challenges and disruptions that come with divorce, remember this. Give them

Parenting After Divorce

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

Teens Taking Sides A Painful Consequence...

Talk “To” – Not “At” – Your Child … Thro

Divorce and Parenting: Teaching Valuable...

Divorced Parents: Never “Guilt” Your Kid

5 Keys To Help Your Kids Transition Betw...

5 Steps To Moving On After Divorce Based...

Your Children Are Deeply Affected By You...

Balancing Boundaries & Privacy Issues As

Co-parenting Cooperatively So You Can Pr...

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