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Shared Parenting v. Equal Parenting: ...

Shared Parenting v. Equal Parenting: 5 Ways the New Laws Will Hurt Kids Guest Post by Karen Covey Children affected by Divorce The story is all too familiar. The kids stand on the front steps, consumed by sadness. They watch their father walk toward the car. Silent tears roll down their cheeks while their dad gets in the car and drives away. As soon as he’s out of view, he chokes up and pulls over. He doesn’t want to lose his kids. But shared parenting seems like an impossible dream. It’s scenes like this one that have fueled the Father’s Rights movement. Over the past few decades, Father’s Rights advocates have slowly been chipping away at the assumption that mothers should always have sole custody of the kids in divorce. For years, fathers have been fighting to have an equal say in how their kids are raised. They have fought to get more time with their kids. Now, they’re

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How Children of Divorce Are Affected ...

How Children of Divorce Are Affected By Parental Anger & Conflict Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce Whether you're contemplating divorce, in the process, or transitioning after your own divorce, there's one thing that's crucial for all parents to keep in mind ... Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. That’s why as parents we need to be diligent in monitoring our children -- as well as our own behavior -- to safeguard our kids from emotional and psychological damage. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, bullying, aggression and poor school grades. Here are some essential behaviors to avoid during and after divorce to protect your children from the negative effects of conflict on their psyches and emotional wellbeing. Never battle where

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Breaking the Divorce News To My Son W...

Breaking the Divorce News To My Son Was Both Traumatic & Transformative! The best approach to breaking the divorce news to your children! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC I’ve faced many difficult moments in my life. But preparing to tell my son that I will be divorcing his father was absolutely one of the worst. He was innocent -- a sweet eleven year-old boy who loved both his parents dearly. He didn’t deserve this. I struggled with anxiety for weeks. When should we tell him? What should we say? How do you tell a child that the life he has known is about to be disrupted – forever? How do you tell him that it’s not his fault? And how do you prepare him for all the unknowns looming ahead when you’re not sure yourself how it will turn out? Was I making the right decision? Will my son hate me for initiating a divorce that embattled me with

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Divorce Books Helpful For Children of...

Divorce Books Helpful For Children of Divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all know that divorce is one of the most traumatic events that can happen in a child’s life. Many people have written books on the subject to guide parents through the maze of challenges that are inevitable at this time. However, it is much more difficult communicating with children directly about divorce. There are a few books on the market written especially for children. None of them are one size fits all. So parents must read through each one to determine which book speaks most clearly to their own family situation. The age and gender of the children, relationship between the divorced parents, custodial agreements and other factors all influence how effective any one children’s book will be for any family. Karen Stanton has written and illustrated a new book: Monday, Wednesday And Every Other Weekend. It’s a gentle and accessible story about dealing with

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Why YOU Should Resolve Child-Related...

Why YOU Should Resolve  Child-Related Divorce Disputes – Not a Judge! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Family-focused divorce attorney Larry Sarezky is passionate about keeping parents out of court when handling disputes over child custody. Based on decades of experience Larry knows that long-term outcomes work out better when the decisions are made by the parents themselves rather than left to the legal system. Most parents continue to co-parent their children after divorce. Except for circumstances where children are at risk, Larry strongly emphasizes that parents have the responsibility to put the their children first by working out a parenting plan that is in the children’s best interests. Larry’s message: If you are unable to resolve children’s issues with your co-parent, a judge will. There are some very good reasons to avoid that: The custody evaluation process can humiliate, frighten and compromise your children, and cause them enduring emotional harm. Custody cases are tremendously expensive. Parents must not only pay their own

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Depression In Children of Divorce – H...

Depression In Children of Divorce – How Parents Can Help Divorce hard for children By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce has many effects on children. No two children will react in exactly the same way. That’s why parents need to be diligent about watching for signs and indications that your child may be having problems coping with their new reality. Depression is one of the more common reactions we see in children of divorce. Unfortunately, many parents entirely miss or misinterpret the signs of depression. It can take many forms including behavior that is distancing, lethargic and withdrawn. This is often accompanied by a drop in school grades. But depression can also show in other ways, such as agitation, frustration and aggression. When depression takes that form, parents are likely to think of it in terms of discipline problems and respond with punishment. It takes maturity and a broader perspective to stand back and realize that your

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Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict ...

Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict – That Most Damages Children? By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce catches kids in the middle So often I am asked: Is it divorce or parental discord that most damages children? More and more evidence points at the attitude of the parents being most influential on the outcome for innocent children. Many studies I've read about over the past decade all come to the agreement that children are more negatively impacted by parental conflict than by divorce itself.  Numerous articles by marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim address this topic in ways that are both relevant and, quite surprising for many. That’s because she refutes common misconceptions about divorce and addresses the real issues of concern. According to Bettelheim, “Studies conducted in the past 20 years have shown that on all meaningful measures of success -- social, economic, intellectual and psychological -- most adult children from divorced families are no worse off

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5 Reasons Why Bad Marriages are Worse...

5 Reasons Why Bad Marriages are Worse for Kids Than Divorce Staying together for the kids. Is this a selfless gesture that puts your children first, or is it more damaging to your child’s psyche than if you were to separate? Here’s a piece of divorce advice: staying together for the children isn’t always noble. Your marriage is the first example of love and partnership that your kids see, and how you treat your partner plays an important role in how your child views relationships in the future. This means if your relationship is healthy, your child will grow up with a great view of partnership. But if your relationship is troubled, it may do harm to their emotional and mental wellbeing. Are you staying in your marriage for the benefit of your children? Here are 5 reasons why bad marriages are worse for kids than divorce. Constant Tension and Unease  Many parents want to stay in their unhappy marriages for

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Divorced Parents: Compassionate Commu...

Divorced Parents: Compassionate Communication With Your kids Is  Crucial For a Happier Outcome! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or ager. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills, become more clinging – or more aloof – depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce. This is a time to master the art of good parent/child ommunication so you can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again – despite the changes inflicted by your divorce. Here are some solid tips for more effective communication with your children. Master them today and they will work on your behalf for years and years ahead.   Keep your conversations private – at times when

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Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model ...

Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model You Want Your Kids To Be By Rosalind Sedacca I recently came upon this quote from British blogger, David Bly: “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Basically that’s the best advice anyone can give any parent. It’s especially relevant when faced with challenging times, such as your divorce. It’s estimated that 40% of our children will experience the divorce of their parents. The outcome is not the same for all children or all families. That’s why it’s so important for parents facing divorce to understand that every decision you make has consequences that affect your children as well as your own well-being for years and decades to come. As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’ve found that many parents are short-sighted when it comes to understanding the effects of divorce on their children. They don’t understand that emotional wounds in childhood lead to behaviors in the teen years

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