The caring support you need if you're a parent who's facing ... going through ... or moving on after divorce! - Divorce and Co-Parenting - Parenting Children of Divorce - Dating as a Divorced Parent
Created by Rosalind Sedacca, CDC
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By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT It’s no secret that one of the biggest challenges a parent faces after divorce is maintaining good communication with your children. Obviously all parents struggle with communication issues as their children grow, but children who have had their lives dramatically altered by separation or divorce need even more attention – and diligent observation by their parents. Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed. Instead they reflect their problems through their behavior – acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce. Here are some tips that most all professionals agree about as ways to encourage positive and productive communication between you and your children. Many of these are obvious or innate behaviors. Some can easily be forgotten amid the challenges you are juggling in your own life on a daily
In January, once again divorce professionals around the globe will unite for International Child-Centered Divorce Month. Our goal is to educate parents about how to prevent negative consequences for children during and after separation or divorce. More divorces take place in January than any other month because parents wait until after the holidays to make the split. Throughout January divorce attorneys, mediators, therapists, financial planners, coaches, and other professionals will be sharing their insights to help parents make the best decisions regarding their children's well-being when coping with divorce issues. In North America, Europe, Australia, Africa, Asia and beyond divorce experts will be announcing teleseminars, workshops, and other activities designed for divorced parents and those contemplating divorce. In addition, parents will be invited to download free gifts -- ebooks, audio and video presentations, professional services and other perks from a growing roster of child-centered divorce experts. We have created a special
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Whether your divorce is pending or five years behind you, your children continue to process the reality according to their age and level of understanding. There are several concepts that cause the most emotional turmoil for children. Being aware of these sensitive areas can help parents address these issues more effectively. As your children age they may revisit your divorce with more questions, confusion or insecurity. That’s why it’s essential that you have answers ready based on a keen understanding of how children internalize a divorce – even long after it’s over. There are two major concepts that can create the most emotional pain for children. The first has to do with blame and the second with unrealistic expectations. Here are some suggestions for handling these common challenges. Children keep blaming themselves for the divorce – even after it’s over! Regardless of what their parents may
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Never battle where kids can see or hear you. Little ears can pick up phone conversations as well as conflict behind closed bedroom doors. Parents often don't think about the psychological impact of their arguments on children. It changes who they are and how they feel about themselves and life in general. Never lie or play one parent off the other to win your child’s favors. Telling lies about, bashing or demeaning your former spouse confuses, hurts and angers children in serious ways. Keep personal resentments personal and don’t use your kids
A Guest Post by Ben Stich The last thing divorced or separated parents want is for their kids to be hurt by their break-up any more than necessary. There is nothing worse for a parent than to see their child in pain. Yet, it is almost inevitable that the kids will experience some level of pain, disappointment and confusion. Human nature being what it is, it is normal for divorced parents to have difficulty tolerating their children’s distress. As a result, some conversations between an anxious soon-to-be divorced mother and her upset son go something like this: Parent: What’s wrong, honey? Son: Why do you have to get divorced? I hate it! Parent: It’s going to be, OK. Son: (Sniffling). But, but… Parent: Don’t worry, everything will be OK. Son: OK, Mommy. At first blush, it seems like this mother did a nice job of reassuring her child, right? No!
A Guest Post by Anne Sleeman, President, Kids on Time, Inc. It's a funny thing, becoming a step parent. Not sure if I have ever heard of anyone who said, "When I grow up, I really want to be a step parent". For whatever the reason, being a step mom is that one step further away from anything anyone ever dreamed of. I mean the negative depictions of the evil step mom are enough to frighten off even the boldest and the bravest of soles. What's even more "funny" is that moment when you come to the realization that you are in fact in love with a person who has kids. Whoa. Okay. Breathe. Time to assess what this means for me, for them, and most importantly for the kids who are involved. Every family and every situation is different. I cannot speak of every situation, but I will speak
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Children can easily and subtly be influenced by both parents during and after divorce. Sometimes the influence is intentional. Other times parents may not be aware of how they are manipulating their children’s affection and allegiance toward themselves and away from their other parent. Either way, the damage for children can be significant, especially in regards to maintaining a loving connection with both parents when the divorce is over. Here’s some sound advice for parents who feel targeted for alienation and want to re-establish or keep a healthy parent-child relationship: • Keep in contact with your children in every possible way. Use video, texts, email and other technology to stay in touch, even on the most basic level. • Maintain your personal power regarding scheduling activities and contact with the children. Don’t passively enable your kids or your ex to dictate terms and conditions. • Create
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT In today’s world Hollywood celebrities are major role models in our culture, especially to the younger generation. For that reason I keep an eye on the movie-star set to see what they’re doing in their relationships. It always makes for great conversation within the Child-Centered Divorce community. Too often the examples we see are poor ones. So many celebrity relationships end in ugly divorces and child-custody suits. Happily, however, there are some admirable exceptions. These couples are stepping up to taking more responsibility for their behaviors before and after the divorce. They are talking about the issues affecting their children and seem more aware than in the past about the consequences for children when a divorce gets nasty. Singer/actress Jennifer Lopez is a prime example. She was quoted during her divorce saying, "I feel very proud of the way we're handling it. I really do. We
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT When famous celebrities like Mel Gibson, Denise Richards, Halle Berry and others battle through a divorce, the stakes are high. Millions of dollars are often in contention, blurring issues related to child-custody and visitation. These couples hire killer attorneys and commit to paying an enormous price -- which includes not only hefty legal fees, but a tremendous time expenditure and emotional toll. Too many non-celebrity couples facing divorce blindly choose this same path – often without considering the reality of all the costs involved. They do not have the revenue to maintain ongoing litigation in the courts. Nor do they have a game plan for putting together the pieces of their shattered family after the legal battles are finally over. Sadly they come to realize that celebrities are usually poor role models. They don’t necessarily make the wisest decisions regarding their children’s best interest as they
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT I recently came upon this quote from British blogger, David Bly: “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Basically that’s the best advice anyone can give any parent. It’s especially so when faced with challenging times, such as your divorce. It’s estimated that 40% of our children will experience the divorce of their parents. The outcome is not the same for all children or all families. That’s why it’s so important for parents facing divorce to understand that every decision they make has consequences that affect their children as well as their own well-being for years and decades to come. As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’ve found that many parents are short-sighted when it comes to understanding the effects of divorce on their children. They don’t understand that emotional wounds in childhood lead to behaviors in the
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