Child Centered Divorce Blog Index

How To Create a Low-conflict Child-Cente...

Cooperative coparenting supports children By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Anyone going through divorce knows it inevitably stirs up charged emotions -- some anticipated and others unexpected. And when children are involved, the process is exponentially more complex and challenging. One of the biggest battlegrounds revolve around child custody and child support. Fortunately, there are ways to get through it together. Marriages that end amicably are the healthiest for both the parents and the children. That’s why we encourage focusing on creating a Child-Centered Divorce. Dealing with highly charged emotions Betrayal, guilt, anger and shame can rear their ugly heads in a divorce, These feelings come with much pain and should never be ignored or taken lightly. However, your children are always innocent. Even if you’re fighting about the children, it’s never their fault. They should never bear the weight of problems that you and your spouse created

Child-Centered Divorce

How You & Your Kids Can Survive the Holidays After Your Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC One of the toughest transitions for children of divorce is coping with the first holiday season. As parents our challenge is to create new traditions and activities that can replace the memories of family holidays in the past. Here are some suggestions for helping you and your children keep in the best spirits throughout the holiday season. Be Attentive and Compassionate Talk to your children about how the holidays will be the same and different this year. Listen, and don’t lecture. Let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations. Acknowledge what they are expressing to you and show empathic understanding. Be aware that some children will hold their feelings in as a means to protect you. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about their sadness as well as apprehension about what they will experience over the holidays. Remind your children that what they are

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorced Parents Holiday Coping Tips When Apart From Your Kids

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC One of the saddest consequences of divorce for parents is the alone-time when your children are visiting their other parent. While short-term periods away from the kids can be a welcome respite for an over-scheduled single parent, that’s not always the case. For many parents the intervals between seeing the children can be long and lonely. This is especially so during the holiday season which can become a particularly challenging time. It’s even more difficult when friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings. Time to be focused on YOU! It’s really important for parents who are alone during the winter holidays to get creative. Absorb yourself in activities you find personally fulfilling. This time of year can also be an opportunity to reflect on meeting your own needs. It helps to reach out to friends. Also participate in activities that bring joy to

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorced Parents’ Biggest Mistakes To Avoid

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Let’s face it, we all make mistakes we regret. It’s part of the learning process. This is especially true for parents. But when we make mistakes as DIVORCED PARENTS, the impact can be even more lasting – and dramatic! So, here’s the bottom line: It’s far better to set the course straight today than to reap the consequences years from now when your adult children ask: Mom/Dad, what were you thinking? Of course, coping with the challenges of parenting after divorce or separation can be very frustrating and difficult. It takes enormous awareness and compassion. With that in mind, here are the most emotionally damaging mistakes that negatively impact children of divorce. Don’t be guilty of making these mistakes: Fighting around your children. Even if it’s on the phone or in another room, if they can hear you, it’s a source of pain, confusion and deep

Parenting After Divorce

Divorce Is Tough – But Even Tougher On Teens!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all know divorce is tough on families. Everyone is affected, especially the children. In most cases, the older the children, the more complex the reaction and more difficult the adaptation. There are many reasons why. Older children have a longer history in the former family unit, regardless of how healthy or toxic it has been. Perhaps they remember better times spent with one or both parents. Even if there were no good memories to look back upon, older children were accustomed to the existing family dynamic. They knew their place in the structure, and felt a sense of comfort in “what is.” Resisting change is a natural part of being human. For teenagers that resistance is compounded by a tendency to test boundaries and rock the status quo. Divorce or separation naturally makes all children feel powerless over their circumstances. For teens, who are more

Parenting After Divorce

When a Divorced Parent Abandons or Rejects the Kids

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Following divorce, most parents are eager to see the children as frequently as possible. Often this desire results in heated battles in or out of court focused around custody issues. In many cases co-parenting is the ideal option. A parenting plan is set into place and the children are moved between two homes giving them continued access to both parents. While many parents may not want to “share” the children, they often realize this is in their child’s best interest. So they come up with an arrangement both parents can live with. In families that don’t co-parent, usually one parent has primary custody of the children. The other parent takes the reins on a scheduled basis. This regular visitation may be over weekends, specific days per month, or periodic visits during the year if distance is a factor. Parental Rejection: the saddest outcome of divorce! In

Parenting After Divorce

When One Divorced Parent Tries To Spoil the Kids

parenting after divorce can be challenging By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC It’s a common scenario. One divorced parent is spoiling the kids. Usually, they aren’t equally sharing parenting. So they treat the children to lavish gifts, trips and other indulgences when spending time with the kids. Often the custodial parent may be struggling financially. Which infuriates that parent. In many cases it’s mom who finds herself in that position. However, not always. Either way, it’s a challenging dilemma to tackle. Smart parents know not to bad-mouth the spoiling parent to the kids. (They understand that put-downs will only backfire on them in the long run.) So custodial Mom (or Dad) is looking for suggestions on how to best handle this situation. Not surprisingly, there is often an underlying motive behind this kind of behavior. In many cases i t’s related to how frequently the other parent sees

Parenting After Divorce

Make Effective Communication Top Priority For Co-Parenting Success

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Sure, divorce may end a marriage. But when you’re a parent it doesn’t end the need for working together on behalf of your children. How you communicate with one another about parenting issues is crucially important. That’s because it will affect your children today and for years to come! Here are some tips on keeping communication with your Ex as effective as possible. Communicate in writing Use one of the many co-parenting apps/tools to schedule co-parenting appointments. You can also keep clear records of all conversations, notes, memos, and details. Avoid in-person or telephone talk if there is tension, animosity or conflict. Writing enables you to express yourself clearly and succinctly. Emails and texts record dates and time which can also be useful. Focus on the present – not the past Communication is not about re-hashing old wounds and arguments. Focus on the issues at hand.

Parenting After Divorce

5 Ways To Ease Between-Home Transitions For Your Kids After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC During divorce proceedings parenting plans or contact schedules are usually established to create a semblance of routine in this new chapter of family life. I am a strong believer in co-parenting whenever possible to serve the best interest of your children. But it’s the reality of post-divorce daily life that puts everyone to the test. Here are 5 important ways to ease the co-parenting process and between-home transitions for everyone involved. Be more focused on your kids’ wellbeing than yours. Co-parenting is not about you. It’s about your children’s quality of life. If you have to overlook some annoyances to achieve a more peaceful outcome, do it. For your kids. For the greater good. For your own overall sanity! You’ll work out touchy issues more smoothly if you enter the process remembering this is all for giving your children the best childhood possible, despite your divorce.

Child-Centered Divorce

Bashing Your Ex Is Really Bad For Your Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems. We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way. When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part

Parenting After Divorce

Blog

How To Create a Low-conflict Child-Cente...

How You & Your Kids Can Survive the Holi

Divorced Parents Holiday Coping Tips Whe...

Divorced Parents’ Biggest Mistakes To Av

Divorce Is Tough – But Even Tougher On T

When a Divorced Parent Abandons or Rejec...

When One Divorced Parent Tries To Spoil ...

Make Effective Communication Top Priorit...

5 Ways To Ease Between-Home Transitions ...

Bashing Your Ex Is Really Bad For Your K...

Blog Posts by Date (Archives)

Categories