How to Rebuild Your Self Esteem After Di...

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Divorce can be devastating on many levels. In addition to the financial and stress toll on both partners, it can easily wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil resulting in guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth. It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, private coach, professional counselor or other similar resources will be very valuable in reminding you that 1) you are not alone in your experiences or feelings and 2) there is a brighter future ahead for you – if you take proactive steps in that direction. While family and friends are usually very well-intentioned, their support may not always be valuable for you. They have their own agendas, perspectives

Relationship Advice

After Divorce: Smart Ways to Stay Connected With Your Kids

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT For so many parents, divorce is a time of disconnection. It’s not uncommon to feel alone, rejected and insecure in the months following your divorce. So can your children. It is therefore vitally important for caring parents to strengthen their bond with their children during this period of transition – whether they are living with them or apart. Children want to know they are still loved, valued and cared about. Child-centered parents understand this and make it a priority to show them, tell them and keep in close communication with them – during the happy times as well as the sad. Children want to know they have a safe place to turn, a shoulder to cry on and a non-judgmental ear when they need it. If divorce has been tough on you – remember it’s even tougher on your kids – whether they

Child-Centered Divorce

Be Alert to Signs of Parental Alienation After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT April 25th is the annual recognition of Parental Alienation Awareness Day. It is a time for all divorced parents to reflect on their relationship with their former spouse and how it may be subtly or overtly affecting the emotional and psychological well-being of their children. Often we rationalize our actions and decisions regarding our Ex as justified but don't focus on how it impacts our innocent children who usually are quite attached to getting love and support from both parents. One behavior commonly overlooked as a very hurtful aspect of Parental Alienation involves one parent keeping the other, target parent, from contact with the children – as punishment. Threatening To Keep Your Ex From the Kids Divorced parents can quickly learn ways to abuse their power over the other parent by using the children as a lever. Among the most harmful of these types of manipulations

Parenting After Divorce

Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Parents Alienated After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Children can easily and subtly be influenced by both parents during and after divorce. Sometimes the influence is intentional. Other times parents may not be aware of how they are manipulating their children’s affection and allegiance toward themselves and away from their other parent. Either way, the damage for children can be significant, especially in regards to maintaining a loving connection with both parents when the divorce is over. Here’s some sound advice for parents who feel targeted for alienation and want to re-establish or keep a healthy parent-child relationship: Keep in contact with your children in every possible way. Use video, texts, email and other technology to stay in touch, even on the most basic level. Maintain your personal power regarding scheduling activities and contact with the children. Don’t passively enable your kids or your ex to dictate terms and conditions. Create fun times worth

Parenting After Divorce

How to Minimize the Negative Effects of Divorce on Your Children

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Over the years there have been endless studies on the effects of divorce on parents and children. Some of the results are controversial. Others seem to be universally accepted as relevant and real. Here are some insights about how divorce affects children at different ages and stages that I believe all of us, as parents, should take to heart. Not surprisingly, the first two years of divorce are the most difficult. In some cases it takes an average of three to five years to really "work through" and resolve many of the issues and emotions that come to the surface. For some, the effects of divorce last many additional years -- or even a lifetime -- if not dealt with appropriately. Taking steps toward a child-centered divorce can dramatically impact the negative effects of divorce on all members of the family. It will help everyone to

Child-Centered Divorce

2 Comments

Bashing Your Ex Is Bad News For Your Children!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems. We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way. When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part

Parenting After Divorce

Child Custody During Divorce – Are You Putting Your Children First?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT When facing divorce as a parent child-custody issues can become quite challenging and emotions regarding divorce-related issues can easily become charged. I recently came upon an article about proposed changes to child custody legislation pending in some states. An investigative committee was being formed to consider whether “shared parenting may be the best custodial situation for all children of divorcing parents.” While I am a strong advocate of shared parenting – it worked very successfully for me – I do not believe it’s the right or only answer for everyone. Because every situation is different when it comes to divorce, I certainly don’t believe legislation should be determining custody outcomes for any family. These are issues that caring, conscious parents should be deciding together with only one goal in mind – the very best interest of their children. Unfortunately, too many parents approach this issue as

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorced Parents’ Dilemma: Privacy vs. Sharing About the Children

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT What do you recommend when the other parent tells your children not to tell you what goes on in their house? Great question! You’re not alone in asking about this and it’s not an easy one to answer. After divorce most parents want to keep their private lives private and don’t want the children sharing too many details about their visit time. Asking children to “spy” on their other parent puts the kids in an awkward situation. They feel guilty, pressured and confused, especially if Mom or Dad tells them not to share specific information. This delicate subject needs to be addressed between both parents and agreed upon in advance. Children should be able to share something about activities or other innocent details regarding their time with their other parent. Asking not to say anything is unfair to the children who naturally want to talk about

Parenting After Divorce

2 Comments

Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regret? It’s Not Too Late To Make It Right!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Divorce drives some people crazy. Because of that, they make many poor decisions. Their judgment, integrity and credibility are easy to question. Their decisions regarding taking responsibility for their children come under scrutiny. There is much we can all learn from these mistakes. And wisdom we can take away that is important for all of us to remember: It’s never too late to get it right – when your children are at stake! In the heat of the divorce drama, we may have settled for a decision or two that we later regretted and still feel resentful. Or we made a child-related agreement that, in hindsight, was not in our child’s best interest – but we don’t know quite how to remedy the situation. Perhaps we lost our tempers at an inappropriate time and watched our children painfully internalize the experience. Maybe we referred to our

Parenting After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT January is International Child-Centered Divorce Month. The entire month is dedicated to helping parents minimize the negative effects of divorce on children – by giving them the tools and resources they need to support their kids during and long after a divorce. Throughout January divorce attorneys, mediators, therapists, financial planners, coaches, parenting experts and other professionals around the world will be providing complimentary gifts offering advice and insights to help parents best cope with divorce and parenting issues. More divorces are initiated in January, following the holiday season, than in any other month. That’s why the Child-Centered Divorce Network chose January to commemorate ICCD Month every year. The goal is to educate parents about how to prevent negative consequences for children during and after separation or divorce. At the special website, parents can access free ebooks, coaching services, videos, audio programs and other valuable gifts by

Child-Centered Divorce

Blog

How to Rebuild Your Self Esteem After Di...

After Divorce: Smart Ways to Stay Connec...

Be Alert to Signs of Parental Alienation...

Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Pa...

How to Minimize the Negative Effects of ...

Bashing Your Ex Is Bad News For Your Chi...

Child Custody During Divorce – Are You P

Divorced Parents’ Dilemma: Privacy vs. S

Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regr...

International Child-Centered Divorce Mon...

Blog Posts by Date (Archives)

Categories