By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Facing divorce and stymied about how to tell your kids? Worried about how it will affect them? Hurting them with the news? What to say and not say? What they will do? How much to confide?

Well, you’re not alone.

There’s no doubt this might be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have. Despite that, you must be prepared.

Here are the five mistakes most commonly made by parents. Be sure you don’t add stress to your children’s lives by making these errors.

  • Exposing your children to parental conflict or fighting. Studies show that this does more damage to children than any other factor in their lives – whether in a divorced or still married family. Keep your battles away from your child’s eyes and ears to ensure they still get to have the childhood they deserve.
  • Bad-mouthing their other parent. Any display of disrespectful behavior and  remarks about their other parent is hurtful to children. They may not tell you directly, but they feel the pain. Kids innately love both parents and want to protect them. Your voice tone, body language, snide comments, etc. add to your child’s stress at an already difficult time.
  • Making your children choose between their parents. Don’t ask your children to make decisions or judgments regarding the parents they love. This puts enormous pressure on them. It’s your place to make all parenting decisions. Children feel guilty, anxious and confused when faced with such emotionally-charged choices.
  • Forgetting to emphasize that your children are innocent. Often children blame themselves for their parent’s failed marriage. It is important to remind the kids often that they played no part in the decision to divorce. They are not to blame, even when their parents are fighting about them.
  • Turning your children into confidants or therapists. Adults have trouble handling the emotions connected to divorce issues. Imagine how children feel when they are told biased or inappropriate information. It robs them of their childhood! Let your friends be your sounding board – not your children. Better yet, reach out to divorce experts for support.

The good news is lots of help is available to you from qualified professionals. For a more peaceful divorce, try mediation or an attorney specializing in the Amicable or Collaborative Divorce model. You can also speak to Divorce Coaches, Family Therapists and school Guidance Counselors. In addition, the Child-Centered Divorce Network has free and low-cost ebooks, e-courses and other valuable resources on telling kids about divorce, co-parenting successfully and moving on with your life.

Some highly recommended Tools include:

How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide To Preparing Your Children — With Love

What makes this Internationally-acclaimed ebook, written by Rosalind Sedacca, CDC unique, is that she doesn’t just tell parents what to say. She says it for you! Rosalind uses fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.

The innovative storybook approach gets parents on the right track for successful co-parenting to ensure the wellbeing of their children in the months and years to come – starting with that first crucial conversation with their children. It covers:

  • When and how to break the divorce news to minimize anxiety
  • The 6 key messages every child needs to hear
  • How to follow-up after the divorce conversation to protect your child
  • Dangerous mistakes to avoid during and long after your divorce
  • How to co-parent effectively even if you don’t like your Ex

https://www.childcentereddivorce.com/coaching-programs/kids/ 

When Alcohol Is a Factor: A Tool to Help Protect Your Children 

Sometimes, the divorce conversation becomes even more complex when alcohol misuse plays a role in the separation. In those cases, children may already feel confused or fearful about a parent’s behavior. Reassuring your children that steps are being taken to ensure their safety and stability is key.

One tool that can help rebuild trust and create a safer co-parenting environment is Soberlink. Soberlink’s remote alcohol monitoring system provides a discreet court-admissible way to document sobriety and promote accountability. With Soberlink, a parent tests at scheduled times throughout the day, their identity is confirmed, and instant results are sent to your phone. This kind of transparency can offer peace of mind to co-parents, legal professionals, and most importantly, your children.

Soberlink’s advanced features include:

o          Discreet and Portable Breathalyzer
o          Instant Notification System
o          Intuitive Software
o          Built-In Facial Recognition & Tamper Sensors
o          Expert In-House Support

By helping to maintain child safety while supporting a parent and sobriety, Soberlink can play a meaningful role in a healthy post-divorce dynamic, especially if alcohol was a contributing factor in the breakup.

https://www.soberlink.com/divorce/family-law

Anger Management for Co-Parents 8-Hour Course

Managing your anger is always important. When you’re a divorced parent, it’s crucially important. Unmanaged anger can destroy your life and the life of others around you.

This easy-to-use course is designed to give you the practical skills and strategies you need for managing your stress and anger. Co-created by Divorce Coach Rosalind Sedacca, CDC and psychotherapist Amy Sherman, LMHC, the course  integrates material to read, short videos to watch, exercises to try, quizzes, and more.

Discover new and better ways to:

o          Set limits and respond when you are angry
o          Cope with difficult emotions, feelings and experiences
o          Handle people who push your buttons and overstep their boundaries
o          Identify your “red flag” warning signs in advance
o          Communicate with your co-parent and children when you’re upset
o          Behave when you feel your rage mounting
o          Co-parent more effectively without abusing your power

The steps, suggestions, and advice will help you be more empathic toward your family and others. It will also guide you toward choosing more assertive and less aggressive behaviors. And you’ll learn more successful co-parenting skills to make home life and custody arrangements easier for the children in your care.

https://www.AngerConflictPrograms.com

Don’t underestimate how seriously your children will be impacted by the divorce news. Speak gently, with compassion and love. Avoid the pitfalls that make a tough conversation even tougher on your kids. With care and consideration, you can set the stage for a positive future for both you and the children you love.

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Rosalind Sedacca, is a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. She has created numerous books, courses and programs to help parents make the best decisions before, during and long after divorce. To get Rosalind’s free ebook about Post-Divorce Parenting, as well as her coaching services and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, visit: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

© Rosalind Sedacca   All rights reserved.