By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting plans and contact schedules are an important part of divorce proceedings. They help create a semblance of routine in this new chapter of family life for divorcing parents. And for the children you love. I am a strong believer in co-parenting whenever possible to serve the best interest of your children. But not all couples can work together with civility and harmony. So sometimes parallel parenting becomes the plan. That usually translates into you both parent the children but with minimum communication between one another. Keep in mind that your kids pick up on the emotional energy around their parents. It's no surprise that life after divorce is smoother and easier when both parents behave maturely and responsibly. However you work out your shared parenting plan, it’s the day-to-day challenges of post-divorce life that puts all co-parents to the test. Here are 5 important
ROSALIND SEDACCA & DIVORCE EXPERTS AROUND THE WORLD ARE PROVIDING FREE GIFTS DURING INTERNATIONAL CHILD-CENTERED DIVORCE MONTH IN JANUARY January is International Child-Centered Divorce Month – a time when Divorce filings are highest: after the holidays at the start of the New Year. In recognition of ICCD Month, Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach, author and podcast host, Rosalind Sedacca, CDC, has gathered family-focused divorce professionals throughout world. They are all giving away free ebooks, courses, videos, coaching services and other valuable tools to help parents: Make the best decisions regarding their children before, during and long after divorce. Avoid serious mistakes that negatively impact their children. Learn how divorce affects children at different ages and stages. Understand divorce options to choose the best course of action for both parents and children. Transition after divorce in a healthy, fulfilling way. Attract a rewarding and lasting love relationship in the years ahead. With more
FREE GIFTS & SUPPORT RESOURCES -- from divorce and parenting experts around the world commemorating the 16th Annual International Child-Centered Divorce Month In the U.S. today nearly 4 out of 10 first marriages end in divorce. Even more significant, 60% of divorcing couples have children, resulting in more than one million kids each year experiencing the divorce of their parents. The consequence of parental divorce takes its toll on everyone in the family. An estimated 25 million children (36%) live apart from their biological father with about 26% of absentee fathers living in a different state than their kids. Close to 17 million children (25%) are living with their single mothers. It may come as no surprise that more divorces are initiated in January than in any other month. A large majority of parents wait until after the holiday season before breaking the divorce news to their children. For this
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC What’s holding you back from moving on after your divorce? Are there constructive steps you can take to transition into the better life you desire and certainly deserve? Here are some important points to consider and take action on. They will enable you to create a healthier, more gratifying new chapter in your life – for you and your children. LET GO OF THE NEGATIVE If you truly want to move on from your divorce you must learn to let go of negative emotions that hold you hostage. These include anger, resentment, blame, jealousy, hatred and anxiety. Of course, there is a time and place for experiencing those emotions. Feel them; mourn the dream that turned sour. Then make a decision to let them go. Do this for your benefit – not on behalf of your former spouse. Negative emotions can hold you in limbo and
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Family-focused divorce attorneys are passionate about keeping parents out of court when handling disputes over child custody. These lawyers know that long-term outcomes are better when the decisions are made by the parents themselves rather than left to the legal system. Most parents continue to co-parent their children after divorce. Except for circumstances where children are at risk, parents have the responsibility to put the their children first by working out a parenting plan that is in the children’s best interests. Here’s the key point to keep in mind. If you are unable to resolve your children’s issues with your co-parent, a judge will! There are some very good reasons to avoid that: 1. The custody evaluation process can humiliate, frighten and compromise your children, and cause them enduring emotional harm. 2. Custody cases are tremendously expensive. Parents must not only pay their own lawyers, but
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce can be devastating when you’re a parent. You can’t just crawl into a hole and grieve, rant or rage. You must still care for the well-being of your children. And sometimes this is a challenge that overwhelms, resulting in parents who can’t cope with the responsibilities of parenting. When this happens, your children pay a high price. And too often, the parents aren’t totally aware of how their kids are affected. It’s not always easy to remember that your children may be grieving as deeply as you are during and after divorce. It’s even more frightening for them because they were not responsible for the divorce. Nor are they responsible for the complex dynamics that led up to the split. Their fears are also compounded by apprehension about whether either parent will ever divorce them? And then, what will happen to them and their family
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC The holiday season can be especially difficult for children of divorce – especially during the first few years. Parents need to be diligent in creating new family traditions and activities designed to replace the memories of holidays past. These tips will help you give your kids a wonderful holiday season this year, despite changes to the family structure. Show Empathy and Compassion When talking to your children about the holidays, listen, and don’t lecture. Let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations. Acknowledge what they are expressing to you. Don’t refute or deny what they are saying. Instead, show compassionate understanding. Some kids will hold their feelings in to protect you. Reassure them it’s okay to talk about their sadness or anxiety about what the holidays will be like this year. Remind your children that what they are feeling is okay and normal. Be there
Rebuild your self-esteem after Divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce can be devastating on many levels. In addition to the financial and stress toll on both partners, it can easily wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil. This can show up as guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can be devastated. They come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth. It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, personal divorce coach, or therapist can be very helpful. They can remind you that you are not alone in your experiences or feelings. They can provide strategies for feeling more confident. And they can help you believe there is a brighter future ahead for you. Especially if you take proactive steps in that
Balancing Boundaries & Privacy Issues as Divorced Co-Parents By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC After divorce most parents want to keep their private lives private. They don’t want the children sharing too many details about their visit time. This can create frustration for parents as they struggle to find balance in the privacy versus sharing equation. And there’s no simple solution. Often your co-parent may ask the kids not to tell you about what they did, ate or talked about during their visits. Yet, as a parent, it’s only natural to ask questions. To want to know how your kids spent their time. Handled compassionately, you can avoid needless conflict. Asking your children to “spy” on their other parent puts them in an awkward situation. They feel guilty, pressured and confused, especially if either parent tells them not to share specific information. This complex topic needs to be addressed between both parents. And should be agreed upon in
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Many families experience separation or divorce as summer approaches, taking advantage of the school break to ease post-divorce transitions. There are many other families, however, that make the split during the school year. There are several reasons why this sometimes becomes a necessity. Many couples considering a divorce decide to wait until after the holidays to break the news to their children. Others wait to take advantage of year-end job bonuses. This can provide additional funds to cover attorney, moving and other related expenses. Still others are faced with unexpected circumstances which accelerate the decision to divorce. Regardless, it’s not the why that matters most at this time – it’s the how. How are these parents going to approach their separation or divorce – and how will it affect their innocent children? Compassionate, mindful decisions make all the difference! I, too, planned my separation mid-school year.
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