Rosalind Sedacca, Author at Child-Centered Divorce

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

By Rosalind Sedacca CDC Divorce, like life, is rarely neat and packaged. This is especially true for divorcing parents. The reality of divorce comes with challenges. Unexpected twists, constant frustrations and times of utter helplessness when children act out or pull away. Here are three important tips for coping and responding when your children are venting or lashing out. Or perhaps, expressing their own frustrations about being caught up in a family adjusting to separation or divorce. 1. Diffuse blame Some children, especially pre-teens and teens, may blame one parent or the other for the divorce. Sometimes they may be correct in this interpretation. Especially under situations they have been aware of for years (alcoholism, absent parent, domestic violence, etc.). Other times they side with one parent as a result of their prior relationship dynamics with that parent. Regardless of why you or your spouse are blamed, keep your cool.

Parenting After Divorce

Smart Parenting Plans Reflect Smart Co-Parenting After Your Divorce

parenting after divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting plans are a commonly used tool for managing co-parenting post-divorce. It helps both parents coordinate their parenting, their lives and their relationship with one another following divorce. In its simplest form a parenting plan puts in writing the agreed upon schedule both parents have created regarding most all parenting arrangements. It outlines the days, times and other details of when, where and how each parent will be with the children. It also addresses other agreements both parents will follow in the months and years to come. The purpose of the plans is to determine strategies that are in the children’s best interest to create smooth, easy and positive transitions. These plans encourage cooperative co-parenting so that the children feel secure, loved, wanted and nurtured by both of their parents. Plans can vary in depth and scope. Often, they include

Child-Centered Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Over the years there have been endless studies on the effects of divorce on parents and children. Some of the results are controversial. Others seem to be universally accepted as relevant and real. Here are a few of my perceptions from studies on children who experience divorce that I believe all of us, as parents, should take to heart. Use your post-divorce time ahead wisely Not surprisingly, the first two years of divorce are the most difficult. In some cases it takes an average of three to five years to really "work through" and resolve many of the issues and emotions that come to the surface. For some, the effects of divorce last many additional years -- or even a lifetime -- if not dealt with appropriately. Taking steps toward acceptance, responsibility and preparing for happier times ahead give your life new meaning. It can also

Child-Centered Divorce

Disciplining Children Through Divorce By Limiting Their Behavior — Not Thoughts

By Rosalind Sedacca CDC Discipline is always a challenge for parents. Regardless of their age, your child may inevitably find ways to act out, challenge your authority and test the limits of their boundaries. Often these behaviors create tension and disagreements between both parents, which children are good at exploiting to their advantage. This, of course, is the time for Mom and Dad to forge a solid bond of agreement regarding their approach to discipline. If they do, the child is less likely to test the waters and more likely to alter their behavior into more appropriate channels. When separation or divorce takes place, disciplining children can become even more difficult, especially if both parents are not on good terms regarding parenting their children. Parental discord can open the door for children to move into behavioral extremes, pitting you and your former spouse against each other. We've all seen the

Child-Centered Divorce

5 Tips To Help Children Transition Between Homes After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting plans and contact schedules are an important part of divorce proceedings. They help create a semblance of routine in this new chapter of family life for divorcing parents. I am a strong believer in co-parenting whenever possible to serve the best interest of your children. But not all couples can work together with civility and harmony. So sometimes parallel parenting becomes the plan, meaning you both parent the children but with minimum communication between one another. Keep in mind that your kids pick up on the emotional energy around their parents and life after divorce is smoother and easier for them when their parents behave maturely and responsibly. However you work out your shared parenting plan, it’s the day-to-day challenges of post-divorce life that puts all co-parents to the test. Here are 5 important ways to ease the transitioning between homes process for everyone

Child-Centered Divorce

Teens Taking Sides A Painful Consequence of Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC I received the following question which poses many challenges related to divorce and parenting. While there is never a one-size-fits-all answer to relationship questions, I’m sharing my response with you as a perspective worth considering. This may be useful to initiate conversations with your former spouse and children or for discussion with a therapist or divorce coach if you are seeing one. I am divorced for a short while, after being separated for several years. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine. My problem is that I have no control over discipline. I would never speak to anyone the way she speaks to

Parenting After Divorce

Children Are Psychologically Damaged When Parents Fight

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC For years I’ve been pointing out to parents one clear message. Fighting around the children does more damage to them than their parents’ divorce. Serious emotional harm to the kids is avoided when parents handle divorce amicably. And when they put their children’s psychological needs top of mind when making all decisions. Many studies over several decades confirm this perspective. They show how and why children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Not surprisingly these studies have revealed significant challenges for parents who are dealing with "money-related chronic stress." For those parents, relationships with their children were highly tense and lacking in intimacy. Add the stress related to divorce and the outcome for children exposed to this tension increases exponentially. When interviewed about

Child-Centered Divorce

Talk “To” – Not “At” – Your Child … Through Divorce and Beyond

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Most parents don't know how to talk to their children. It's one of the underlying reasons for parent-child communication, respect and trust issues within the family dynamic. You wouldn't think one would need to be reminded to talk to your children. Unfortunately, many parents need just such a reminder -- especially in today's mega-paced culture in which just sitting down to a family dinner together seems to be a major accomplishment. Too often busy parents find themselves talking "at" their children, but not "to" them. And most especially, not "with" them. This, of course, is problematic in any family trying to raise socially, emotionally and spiritually healthy children. However, it is especially dangerous if that family is facing the challenges of divorce or separation. If your parent-child communication skills and rapport is not optimal before discussions about divorce or family lifestyle changes come up, the likeliness

Parenting After Divorce

5 Keys To Creating A Better Life After Your Divorce!

parenting after divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Accepting the reality and finality of divorce can be a tough challenge. We need to be able to let go of the life we knew and prepare to face an unknown future. That can be intimidating. Here are 5 key steps to accepting your new reality with grace, peace and positive expectations for a happier life ahead. Especially if you’re also a parent! 1) Focus on yourself -- not on your former spouse We can’t ever undo the past. But the past can undo us -- if we’re not careful about our thoughts, beliefs and actions. The only one we can ever change is ourselves. Don’t waste valuable time pining about the past, blaming your ex or wishing you had done something differently. Focus instead on how you can transform yourself today into the person you most want to

Child-Centered Divorce

Breaking The Divorce News To Your Kids: 6 Must-Tell Messages

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC When faced with divorce, at some point you need to have the dreaded “tell the kids” talk with your children. To prepare and support them in the best possible way, it's best for both parents to have the conversation together with the children. Take your time, be empathic, and be sure to include these 6 crucial break-the-divorce news messages: OUR DIVORCE IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Parents need to understand that most children, regardless of their age, will feel guilty and believe they hold some blame for their parents’ divorce. Parents need to remind kids often, in different ways, that they are not responsible, even when the parents have been fighting about the children. Your kids are always innocent and need to believe this. Don't let them try to "fix" your parental problems, as we all know they are powerless to do so. And it’s not their responsibility. YOUR

How Do I Tell the Kids About The Divorce?

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

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Breaking The Divorce News To Your Kids: ...

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