How to Talk to Your Kids When They are U...

A Guest Post by Ben Stich The last thing divorced or separated parents want is for their kids to be hurt by their break-up any more than necessary. There is nothing worse for a parent than to see their child in pain. Yet, it is almost inevitable that the kids will experience some level of pain, disappointment and confusion. Human nature being what it is, it is normal for divorced parents to have difficulty tolerating their children’s distress. As a result, some conversations between an anxious soon-to-be divorced mother and her upset son go something like this: Parent: What’s wrong, honey? Son: Why do you have to get divorced? I hate it! Parent: It’s going to be, OK. Son: (Sniffling). But, but… Parent: Don’t worry, everything will be OK. Son: OK, Mommy. At first blush, it seems like this mother did a nice job of reassuring her child, right? No!

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Being a Step Parent is a Privilege, Not a Right!

A Guest Post by Anne Sleeman, President, Kids on Time, Inc. It's a funny thing, becoming a step parent. Not sure if I have ever heard of anyone who said, "When I grow up, I really want to be a step parent". For whatever the reason, being a step mom is that one step further away from anything anyone ever dreamed of. I mean the negative depictions of the evil step mom are enough to frighten off even the boldest and the bravest of soles. What's even more "funny" is that moment when you come to the realization that you are in fact in love with a person who has kids. Whoa. Okay. Breathe. Time to assess what this means for me, for them, and most importantly for the kids who are involved. Every family and every situation is different. I cannot speak of every situation, but I will speak

Guest Experts, Parenting After Divorce

Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Parents Alienated After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Children can easily and subtly be influenced by both parents during and after divorce. Sometimes the influence is intentional. Other times parents may not be aware of how they are manipulating their children’s affection and allegiance toward themselves and away from their other parent. Either way, the damage for children can be significant, especially in regards to maintaining a loving connection with both parents when the divorce is over. Here’s some sound advice for parents who feel targeted for alienation and want to re-establish or keep a healthy parent-child relationship: • Keep in contact with your children in every possible way. Use video, texts, email and other technology to stay in touch, even on the most basic level. • Maintain your personal power regarding scheduling activities and contact with the children. Don’t passively enable your kids or your ex to dictate terms and conditions. • Create

Parenting After Divorce

Celebrity Divorces: Lessons we can learn about Co-Parenting!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT In today’s world Hollywood celebrities are major role models in our culture, especially to the younger generation. For that reason I keep an eye on the movie-star set to see what they’re doing in their relationships. It always makes for great conversation within the Child-Centered Divorce community. Too often the examples we see are poor ones. So many celebrity relationships end in ugly divorces and child-custody suits. Happily, however, there are some admirable exceptions. These couples are stepping up to taking more responsibility for their behaviors before and after the divorce. They are talking about the issues affecting their children and seem more aware than in the past about the consequences for children when a divorce gets nasty. Singer/actress Jennifer Lopez is a prime example. She was quoted during her divorce saying, "I feel very proud of the way we're handling it. I really do. We

Parenting After Divorce

Divorcing Parents – Protect Your Children by Avoiding Court Litigation

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT When famous celebrities like Mel Gibson, Denise Richards, Halle Berry and others battle through a divorce, the stakes are high. Millions of dollars are often in contention, blurring issues related to child-custody and visitation. These couples hire killer attorneys and commit to paying an enormous price -- which includes not only hefty legal fees, but a tremendous time expenditure and emotional toll. Too many non-celebrity couples facing divorce blindly choose this same path – often without considering the reality of all the costs involved. They do not have the revenue to maintain ongoing litigation in the courts. Nor do they have a game plan for putting together the pieces of their shattered family after the legal battles are finally over. Sadly they come to realize that celebrities are usually poor role models. They don’t necessarily make the wisest decisions regarding their children’s best interest as they

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model You Want Your Kids To Be

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT I recently came upon this quote from British blogger, David Bly: “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Basically that’s the best advice anyone can give any parent. It’s especially so when faced with challenging times, such as your divorce. It’s estimated that 40% of our children will experience the divorce of their parents. The outcome is not the same for all children or all families. That’s why it’s so important for parents facing divorce to understand that every decision they make has consequences that affect their children as well as their own well-being for years and decades to come. As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’ve found that many parents are short-sighted when it comes to understanding the effects of divorce on their children. They don’t understand that emotional wounds in childhood lead to behaviors in the

Child-Centered Divorce

Children of Divorce: Let Them Love Their Other Parent Without Guilt

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT We’ve all heard again and again warnings for parents to not badmouth their former spouse to the children following the divorce. Clearly, while it’s tempting to put Mom or Dad down for the way they’ve hurt you in the marriage, venting to the kids puts them in a very uncomfortable position. They love both of their parents and don’t want to hear about the ways your Ex misbehaved or initiated your divorce. But there’s another factor that doesn’t get as much attention worth bringing up in this same conversation. And that’s forbidding or discouraging your children from expressing love or talking about their other parent around you. Kids naturally want to talk about their lives including things they might have done with their other parent, especially the fun times. If they’re made to feel guilty when bringing up the subject of an adventure with Dad, a

Parenting After Divorce

How Does Virtual Visitation Affect Children of Divorce?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Divorce, like most other aspects of our culture, is being affected by new technological advances. In recent years several states in the U.S. have started allowing and even encouraging virtual visitation as part of the divorce agreement. The purpose is to enable a divorced parent with whom the children are not living to enjoy connection time with their child by utilizing a variety of electronic communication tools. This can include video web chats, email dialogue, Face-time, sharing iPod music, playing iPhone games together or other technological interactions. While many are embracing this reality as a means of maintaining a stronger connection between a parent and their child who is living apart, there are others expressing concern. Some feel these technology-based alternatives are not a substitute for in-person visits. These divorce professionals are afraid that some parents will rely too heavily on virtual communication. They may forgo

Parenting After Divorce

Conflicting Lifestyles Create Conflicts for Divorced Moms and Dads

As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I continually get asked questions from concerned parents. One of the questions recently sent to me focused on an issue that many divorced parents face with mounting frustration. It had to do with this woman’s ex-husband treating the children to lavish gifts and trips when he has them, while Mom is struggling financially. She added that she is aware that she shouldn’t say anything negative to her children about her ex, but she was finding it difficult in the face of her circumstances. The question, of course, was what can she do about this? It’s impossible to provide a specific answer when the so many of the circumstances are unknown in this situation. How often is Dad seeing the children? What kind of relationship does he have with them when he is not there? Is he angry about not sharing custody? Is he resentful

Parenting After Divorce

Family Vacations After Divorce can be rewarding despite the challenges!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Even though divorce is a common reality in today’s world, it can still be emotionally devastating and difficult to accept. During vacation time adults and children can easily be upset by past memories or former traditions that are no longer part of their lives. This can lead to feelings of not being a “real” family anymore. Accusations, guilt, blame and a sense of inadequacy easily fuels conflict that can undermine even the most festive occasions or well-meant plans. Too often post-divorce families set themselves up for disappointment by making comparisons with vacations of the past. Children can erroneously expect certain family traditions to continue. Concerned parents may try to replicate the close bonds and sense of security within the family – and regret that things are just not the same. Instead, think proactively! Start creating new experiences, new memories and new places to explore. By talking

Parenting After Divorce

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How to Talk to Your Kids When They are U...

Being a Step Parent is a Privilege, Not ...

Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Pa...

Celebrity Divorces: Lessons we can learn...

Divorcing Parents – Protect Your Childre

Divorcing Parents: Be the Role Model You...

Children of Divorce: Let Them Love Their...

How Does Virtual Visitation Affect Child...

Conflicting Lifestyles Create Conflicts ...

Family Vacations After Divorce can be re...

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