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July has been designated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. This is a time for parents, therapists, attorneys, educators, clergy and other professionals to focus on the importance of putting children's needs first and foremost when divorce or separation is pending. Most of the negative consequences of divorce result from one or both parents making choices that are not in the best interest of their children. Frequently, parents are so caught up in their own emotional drama -- in anger, resentment, frustration and sometimes outright hatred of their former spouse -- that they make decisions based on hurting, spiting or getting even. Too often, innocent children are caught up in a vicious tug of war, whether it be physical or emotional. They are asked to keep or share secrets, relay messages, make choices about who they like best, and sometimes are even kept from contact with the other parent. Parents who do

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5 Must-Tell Messages to Prepare the Kids for Your Divorce One of the most difficult conversations any parent will ever have is telling their children about their pending divorce. I know first-hand because many years ago I went through the experience. I fought and faced the overwhelming emotions. The deep gut-wrenching fear. The continuous anxiety. The incredible guilt. And the oppressive weight of shame. My son, after all, was innocent. A sweet, gentle soul who loved his father and mother dearly. He certainly did not deserve this. I struggled with the anxiety for weeks in advance. When should I tell him? How should I tell him? Should we tell him together? And most frightening of all, WHAT SHOULD WE SAY? How do you explain to a child that the life he has known, the comfort he has felt in his family setting, is about to be disrupted - changed -

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