Statistics bear it out. Every January the number of couples filing for divorce rises dramatically. And this year the numbers seem to be even higher. When you think about it, the reason comes as no surprise. Many couples considering splitting decide to wait until after the holidays to break the news to their children. Others wait to take advantage of year-end job bonuses so they’ll have the extra funds to cover attorney, moving and other related expenses. Regardless, it’s not the why that should be concerning us at this time – it’s the how. How are these couples, if they are parents, going to approach their separation or divorce – and how will it affect their innocent children? I, too, planned my separation at this time of year more than a decade ago. My son was eleven at the time. We told him a couple of days after Christmas but

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Parental Alienation – when one or both divorcing parents attempts to negatively influence their children about the other parent -- is one of the most terrible outcomes of a divorce gone bad. It’s a difficult and complex subject, but the outcome is always the same. Children who are emotionally scarred. When you mix two egos with dramatically differing perspectives, you’re bound to get an entanglement of emotions compounded by allegations, defensiveness and self-righteousness. Unfortunately, no one wins when parental alienation runs its course during and after a divorce. But it’s the children in particular who lose in a big way. Many of them are affected for life. Behind parental alimentation are parents who feel totally justified in hating, resenting or otherwise distancing themselves from their former spouse. They fail to take into account how this might psychologically play out in an innocent child who naturally loves both parents. Backed by

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Parental Alienation – when one or both divorcing parents attempts to negatively influence their children about the other parent -- is one of the most terrible outcomes of a divorce gone bad. It’s a difficult and complex subject, but the outcome is always the same. Children who are emotionally scarred. When you mix two egos with dramatically differing perspectives, you’re bound to get an entanglement of emotions compounded by allegations, defensiveness and self-righteousness. Unfortunately, no one wins when parental alienation runs its course during and after a divorce. But it’s the children in particular who lose in a big way. Many of them are affected for life. Behind parental alimentation are parents who feel totally justified in hating, resenting or otherwise distancing themselves from their former spouse. They fail to take into account how this might psychologically play out in an innocent child who naturally loves both parents. Backed by

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Bad things can happen to good people. Divorce is a prime example. Good people get divorced. Responsible people who are loving parents get caught in the decision to end a loveless or deceitful marriage. The consequences of that decision can either be life affirming or destroying, depending upon how each parent approaches this transition. Parents who are blinded by blame and anger are not likely to learn much through the experience. They see their former spouse as the total problem in their life and are convinced that getting rid of that problem through divorce will bring ultimate resolution. These parents are often self-righteous about the subject and give little thought to what part they may have played in the dissolution of the marriage. Parents at this level of awareness are not looking to grow through the divorce process. They are more likely to ultimately find another partner with whom they

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Michael Mastracci is an attorney on a mission -- one he shares with the entire child-centered divorce community. He talks about – and is soon to be the author of a new book about – Divorce Without Dishonor. “A difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to my interest in collaborative family law,” notes Mastracci. His soon to be released book focuses on child custody issues and divorce using collaborative law. Mike is quite personable and a good listener. Along with those traits he has a sincere interest in helping parents to resolve their divorce and child custody issues “in a fair and even-handed manner that will cause the least amount of damage” to their children. “I have personally seen the strife that divorce causes in families,” says Mike, “and want to express my concern and compassion for your personal situation.” “Collaborative law does not mean giving away

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October is National Talk to Your Child Month. You wouldn’t think one would need to create such a designation, advising parents to talk to their children. Unfortunately, many parents need just such a reminder -- especially in today’s mega-paced culture in which just sitting down to a family dinner together seems to be a major accomplishment. Too often busy parents find themselves talking “at” their children, but not “to” them. And most especially, not “with” them. This, of course, is problematic in any family trying to raise socially, emotionally and spiritually healthy children. However, it is especially dangerous if that family is facing the challenges of divorce or separation. If your parent-child communication skills and rapport is not optimal before discussions about divorce or family lifestyle changes come up, the likeliness of a peaceful, successful outcome is dramatically jeopardized. For that reason, more than ever before, parents need to create

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Divorce, like life, is rarely neat and packaged. This is especially true for divorcing parents. The reality of divorce comes with unexpected twists, constant frustrations and times of utter helplessness when children act up or pull away. Here are three tips for coping with times when your children are venting, lashing out or expressing their own frustrations about being caught up in a family adjusting to separation or divorce. Diffusing blame. Some children, especially pre-teens and teens, may blame one parent or the other for the divorce. Sometimes they may be correct in this interpretation given circumstances they have been aware of for years (alcoholism, absent parent, domestic violence, etc.). Other times they side with one parent as a result of their prior relationship ... dynamics with that parent. Regardless of why you or your spouse is being blamed, keep your cool. In many cases blaming is a defense against

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A recent article I read in a Florida newspaper talks about proposed changes to child custody legislation. An investigative committee is being formed to consider whether “shared parenting may be the best custodial situation for all children of divorcing parents.” While I am a strong advocate of shared parenting – it worked very successfully for me – I do not believe it’s the right or only answer for everyone. Because every situation is different when it comes to divorce, I certainly don’t believe legislation should be determining custody outcomes for any family. These are issues that caring, conscious parents should be deciding together with only one goal in mind ... – the very best interest of their children. Unfortunately, too many parents approach this issue as adversaries. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. Parents are pitted against each other and innocent children inevitably pay the price. When custodial

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