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Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Pa...

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Children can easily and subtly be influenced by both parents during and after divorce. Sometimes the influence is intentional. Other times parents may not be aware of how they are manipulating their children’s affection and allegiance toward themselves and away from their other parent. Either way, the damage for children can be significant, especially in regards to maintaining a loving connection with both parents when the divorce is over. Here’s some sound advice for parents who feel targeted for alienation and want to re-establish or keep a healthy parent-child relationship: Keep in contact with your children in every possible way. Use video, texts, email and other technology to stay in touch, even on the most basic level. Maintain your personal power regarding scheduling activities and contact with the children. Don’t passively enable your kids or your ex to dictate terms and conditions. Create fun times worth

Parenting After Divorce

Divorced Parents’ Dilemma: Privacy vs. Sharing About the Children

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT What do you recommend when the other parent tells your children not to tell you what goes on in their house? Great question! You’re not alone in asking about this and it’s not an easy one to answer. After divorce most parents want to keep their private lives private and don’t want the children sharing too many details about their visit time. Asking children to “spy” on their other parent puts the kids in an awkward situation. They feel guilty, pressured and confused, especially if Mom or Dad tells them not to share specific information. This delicate subject needs to be addressed between both parents and agreed upon in advance. Children should be able to share something about activities or other innocent details regarding their time with their other parent. Asking not to say anything is unfair to the children who naturally want to talk about

Parenting After Divorce

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Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regret? It’s Not Too Late To Make It Right!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Divorce drives some people crazy. Because of that, they make many poor decisions. Their judgment, integrity and credibility are easy to question. Their decisions regarding taking responsibility for their children come under scrutiny. There is much we can all learn from these mistakes. And wisdom we can take away that is important for all of us to remember: It’s never too late to get it right – when your children are at stake! In the heat of the divorce drama, we may have settled for a decision or two that we later regretted and still feel resentful. Or we made a child-related agreement that, in hindsight, was not in our child’s best interest – but we don’t know quite how to remedy the situation. Perhaps we lost our tempers at an inappropriate time and watched our children painfully internalize the experience. Maybe we referred to our

Parenting After Divorce

What To Do When Your Ex Bad-Mouths You to Your Kids

By Sandra Beck Many of us in high-conflict parenting relationships find ourselves the butt of jokes, the victim of malicious half-true and down-right untrue gossip spread by our Ex or their partner, and being the topic of “heart-to-heart” conversations with your ex and your children filled with carefully crafted stories intended to alienate your children from you. Sometimes it works. Sometimes your kids come home and say things like, “Mom, is it true that when you were in your 20s you smoked pot? Dad said you did and he said his current wife never did that?” or they say, “Hey Mom, Dad says you lie in court. Dad says you lie to the police. Dad said you lie to his friends.” The hard thing is not reacting. You want to knock some sense into the thick-skulled Ex for not understanding his or her need to punish, retaliate, control or whatever

Parenting After Divorce

Divorced Parent to Parent Transfers: How to Minimize Stress for Your Child

For children of divorce moving between homes is stressful enough without the transfers themselves being upsetting. There are many ways in which parents can turn simple transfers into real nightmares. If your transfers are unnecessarily stressful following these tips for minimizing your child’s parent-to-parent transfer: General Tips Keep your child’s transfer as brief as possible even if your child attempts to delay by trying to engage you in an activity with them. Say “hello” and “goodbye” to the other parent even if they do not speak to you. Your child needs to see that you are reasonable and civil in spite of the other parent’s action. Simple salutations only should occur at transfers. This is not the time for discussions. If the other parent attempts to start a discussion just say, “I’d like to speak with you regarding that but now isn’t the time. Give me a call or email

Parenting After Divorce

Children of Divorce: Protecting Their Well-Being & Minimizing Emotional Effects

For many families, divorce is a part of life. And while every case is different, divorce is never easy. From estranged couples and their children, to in-laws, family members and loved ones, the dissolution of a marriage can have a profound effect on entire families and social circles. And, unfortunately, many divorcing couples become so ensnared in the details of their cases, they forget to focus on the well-being of their children, loved ones, and even themselves. Thankfully, though, there are ways to minimize the emotional and psychological impact of divorce. Keep reading for tips on reducing conflict and simplifying the process of divorce, as well as protecting children along the way. Honesty is (Usually) the Best Policy When it comes to the gritty details of divorce, some things are best kept between the couple in question; however, children should always be included in family conversations about separation and divorce. For

Parenting After Divorce

Parental Conflict Alienates/Hurts/Changes Children of Divorce Long Term

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT In a newsletter from Dr. Mark Goulston I read that: “A majority of teenagers, when asked if they had the choice between their parents being nicer to them or more loving towards each other, will pick the latter. The animosity between parents is very painful to their children.” Stop and think about that for a moment. Teenagers would sacrifice receiving more love from their parents if they could assure their parents got along better with one another. This reinforces what most mental health professionals have long known: Parental conflict is a source of continual pain for our children – whether the parents are married or divorced! As a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents, my goal is to make sure both parents fully understand the impact of parental discord upon your children. That’s why I ask every client: Do

Parenting After Divorce

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Co-Parenting Success After Divorce Dependent on Wise Decisions

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT If you’re a parent, divorce doesn’t end your relationship with your former spouse. It only changes the form in some specific ways. It is still essential to create a working relationship focused on the optimum care and concern for your children. Every co-parenting relationship will be unique, affected by your post-divorce family dynamics. However, there are guidelines that will enhance the results for children in any family. Here are some crucial points to keep in mind to maximize your co-parenting success. Respect your co-parent’s boundaries: Chances are your former spouse has a different parenting style than you, with some conflicting rules. Rather than stress yourself about these differences, learn to accept that life is never consistent and it may actually be beneficial for your kids to experience other ways of doing things. Step back from micro-managing your co-parent’s life. If the kids aren’t in harm’s way,

Parenting After Divorce

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Divorcing Parents: 10 Questions to Ask Before Fighting Over the Kids

Divorce Attorney Larry Sarezky has created a short film to stop divorcing parents from engaging in high-conflict custody battles for the sake of the kids. I saw the film, Talk to Strangers, and was dramatically impacted by its message. Larry also provides ten questions divorcing parents should ask themselves before fighting over the kids in court. His years of experience have shown him the consequences for the children involved – effects they’ll experience on a life-long basis. Here are Larry’s 10 questions, along with his opening comments about high conflict divorce. Ten Questions to Ask Before Fighting Over the Kids My worst nightmare as a divorce lawyer is that thousands of children are growing up wondering why the “grown-ups” didn’t protect them from their parents’ high conflict divorces. That’s how my film, Talk to Strangers came into being. But long before that, I put together ten questions to ask clients

Child-Centered Divorce

Ten Ways to Know Your Kid is Coping Well After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT 1. They look, behave and talk as they always have. Divorce can be devastating for kids, often resulting in anxiety, fears, hurt, anger, guilt and other negative emotions. If your children are interacting with you and moving through their days pretty much as usual, that’s a good sign. Look for any noticeable changes in mood and behavior and address them early on. 2. They still smile, and react positively to time spent with you. Angry kids find it hard to hide their emotions and try to avoid contact with their parents. They may get spiteful, aggressive and belligerent or withdraw into their own space and try to ignore you. Happy kids welcome your attention and enjoy being with you -- as they were before the divorce. 3. They ask questions about the divorce and changes ahead. Depressed kids don't talk alot and seem disconnected from daily

Parenting After Divorce

Tips for Re-bonding with Children for Pa...

Divorced Parents’ Dilemma: Privacy vs. S

Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regr...

What To Do When Your Ex Bad-Mouths You t...

Divorced Parent to Parent Transfers: How...

Children of Divorce: Protecting Their We...

Parental Conflict Alienates/Hurts/Change...

Co-Parenting Success After Divorce Depen...

Divorcing Parents: 10 Questions to Ask B...

Ten Ways to Know Your Kid is Coping Well...

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