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When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

By Rosalind Sedacca CDC Divorce, like life, is rarely neat and packaged. This is especially true for divorcing parents. The reality of divorce comes with unexpected twists, constant frustrations and times of utter helplessness when children act up or pull away. Here are three tips for coping with times when your children are venting, lashing out or expressing their own frustrations about being caught up in a family adjusting to separation or divorce. Diffusing blame. Some children, especially pre-teens and teens, may blame one parent or the other for the divorce. Sometimes they may be correct in this interpretation given circumstances they have been aware of for years (alcoholism, absent parent, domestic violence, etc.). Other times they side with one parent as a result of their prior relationship dynamics with that parent. Regardless of why you, or your spouse, are being blamed, keep your cool. In many cases blaming is

Child-Centered Divorce

Picture this: you’re getting divorced and you’re angry, resentful, hurt, or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out at, or maybe get back at your soon to be former spouse. Hiring the most aggressive divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. You are gearing up for a fight! But stop. Think. If you are a parent, you may be making a choice you regret for a long time. If you choose a lawyer who directs you into a vicious court battle, the costs may be insurmountable – not only the financial expenses, but the emotional costs as well. Think long and hard before you move your divorce battle into the legal system. If you do that it is likely to take its toll on every member of your family – especially your children – in the most destructive and gut-wrenching ways. It happens

Child-Centered Divorce

New Year … New Divorce Challenges. Are You Protecting Your Children?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Statistics bear it out. Every January the number of couples filing for divorce rises dramatically. And while the divorce rate has gone down the past few years, because of the economy, January is still the month with the highest divorce rate. When you think about it, the reason comes as no surprise. Many couples considering splitting decide to wait until after the holidays to break the news to their children. Others wait to take advantage of year-end job bonuses, if they come, so they’ll have the extra funds to cover attorney, moving and other related expenses. Regardless, it’s not the why that should be concerning us at this time – it’s the how. How are divorcing parents going to approach their separation or divorce – and how will it affect their innocent children? I, too, planned my separation at this time of year more than a

Parenting After Divorce

Emotional Effects of Conflict on Children of Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. That’s why as parents we need to be diligent in monitoring our children as well as our own behavior to safeguard our kids from emotional and psychological damage. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Here are some essential behaviors to avoid during and after divorce to protect your children from the negative effects of conflict on their psyches. Never battle where kids can see or hear you. Little ears can pick up phone conversations as well as conflict behind closed bedroom doors. Parents often don't think about the psychological impact of their arguments on children. It changes who they

Parenting After Divorce

How To Talk To Your Kids After Divorce — and Why It’s So Crucial!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or ager. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills, become more clinging – or more aloof – depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce. This is a time to master the art of good parent/child communication so you can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again – despite the changes inflicted by your divorce. Here are some solid tips for more effective communication with your children. Master them today and they will work on your behalf for years and years ahead. Keep your conversations private – at times when others are not around.

Parenting After Divorce

5 Ways to Minimize the Impact of Divorce on Your Children

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Communication with our children is always important, but never as essential as when they are impacted by separation or divorce. Children are vulnerable and easily frightened by changes in their routines. The more you talk to and comfort them, the less stress and anxiety they’ll experience. This is the time to reassure your children that you are taking care of matters and everyone in the family will be okay. Then, of course, take responsibility for doing what needs to be done to assure their well-being. Here are five important ways you can minimize the impact of divorce on your children to help them thrive during and after your divorce. Strive to keep as much normalcy in your children’s lives as is feasible. Maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors provides a sense of stability and continuity. Keeping children in the same school and remaining in the same

Parenting After Divorce

Two Families Now: Video Class Teaches Effective Parenting During Separation & Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT I was quite impressed with an on-line video course created especially for divorcing and divorced or separated parents. Its child-centered approach and message aligns well with the teachings of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. The program is titled, Two Families Now. The Two Families Now parenting class helps parents lower their stress level and protect children from conflict during the family transition process. The class increases parents' knowledge and awareness of divorce-related factors that affect children. It also helps parents build new skills that will access critically needed social support to help buffer the impact of divorce on your children. As a parent you want to raise children with a healthy sense of self-worth. You want children who are trusting and trust-worthy -- who are open to creating loving relationships in their lives. I firmly believe it’s not divorce per se that emotionally scars children. It’s how

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorce Is Tough -- Even Tougher on Teens! By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all know divorce is tough on families. Everyone is affected, especially the children. In most cases, the older the children, the more complex the reaction and more difficult the adaptation. There are many reasons why. Older children have a longer history in the former family unit, regardless of how healthy or toxic it has been. Perhaps they remember better times when Mom and Dad interacted with them and each other with more joy and harmony. Even if there were no good times to look back upon, older children were accustomed to the existing family dynamic, knew their place in the structure, and felt a sense of comfort in "what is. Resisting change is a natural part of being human. For teenagers that resistance is compounded by a tendency to test boundaries and rock the status quo. Divorce or

Parenting After Divorce

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After Divorce: Smart Ways to Stay Connected With Your Kids

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT For so many parents, divorce is a time of disconnection. It’s not uncommon to feel alone, rejected and insecure in the months following your divorce. So can your children. It is therefore vitally important for caring parents to strengthen their bond with their children during this period of transition – whether they are living with them or apart. Children want to know they are still loved, valued and cared about. Child-centered parents understand this and make it a priority to show them, tell them and keep in close communication with them – during the happy times as well as the sad. Children want to know they have a safe place to turn, a shoulder to cry on and a non-judgmental ear when they need it. If divorce has been tough on you – remember it’s even tougher on your kids – whether they

Child-Centered Divorce

Be Alert to Signs of Parental Alienation After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT April 25th is the annual recognition of Parental Alienation Awareness Day. It is a time for all divorced parents to reflect on their relationship with their former spouse and how it may be subtly or overtly affecting the emotional and psychological well-being of their children. Often we rationalize our actions and decisions regarding our Ex as justified but don't focus on how it impacts our innocent children who usually are quite attached to getting love and support from both parents. One behavior commonly overlooked as a very hurtful aspect of Parental Alienation involves one parent keeping the other, target parent, from contact with the children – as punishment. Threatening To Keep Your Ex From the Kids Divorced parents can quickly learn ways to abuse their power over the other parent by using the children as a lever. Among the most harmful of these types of manipulations

Parenting After Divorce

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

Creating a Child-Centered Divorce: A Wak...

New Year … New Divorce Challenges. Are Y

Emotional Effects of Conflict on Childre...

How To Talk To Your Kids After Divorce —

5 Ways to Minimize the Impact of Divorce...

Two Families Now: Video Class Teaches Ef...

Divorce Is Tough — Even Tougher on Teens

After Divorce: Smart Ways to Stay Connec...

Be Alert to Signs of Parental Alienation...

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