Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Most people believe belive that it’s divorce itself that scars children. But the real truth is HOW PARENTS HANDLE THE DIVORCE IS WHAT DOES THE MOST DAMAGE! Know that, I faced a lot of skepticism, from both the media and from parents, when I started my work as Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. There were gender battles between mothers and fathers – each side accusing the other of being damaging to the wellbeing of the children. There were sweeping generalizations about the impact of divorce on children – with cultural and religious contention that divorce was bad and staying together for the sake of the kids was somehow morally superior! I fought those battels on TV, radio, blogs, magazine articles and social media – and slowly found support and strong endorsements from experts around the
Children are affected by divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting is always complex. Parenting following a divorce can add many other layers of distraction and confusion to the mix. That makes it even more important for parents to be aware of how their children are responding to the divorce. Misunderstanding Your Child’s Intentions One common error parents make is misunderstanding the stage of development their children are at which can lead to unrealistic expectations. Too often parents will assume that their child has a realistic handle on their emotions. They also believe the child has a deeper understanding of human nature than is really possible at their age. So when their child acts out, expresses anger or otherwise misbehaves, many parents misconstrue their intentions. Parents don’t fully grasp the fear and insecurity that divorce brings up in children. They mistakenly see these young beings as little
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC The Divorce/Separation Path Divorce by its very nature brings up lots of judgments. Most people have strong opinions about divorce, strongly influenced by their own experiences or the programming of their upbringing. You’re very unlikely to change anyone’s mind about the best way to handle divorce when you’re a parent. So don’t try. Your family and friends mean well. They want to support and help you through any crisis. But be aware that along with their support they bring their personal prejudices. These are weighed down by the baggage of judgments that inevitably color their advice. If you allow yourself to be influenced by the well-meant suggestions of these individuals, you may find yourself falling into a deep quagmire of confusion or even depression. No one walks in your shoes or has experienced your history. At the same time, most
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce catches kids in the middle Is it ever right to consider divorce, especially if you’re a parent? Of course, divorce should be avoided whenever possible. It’s not a solution to marital problems. More like an escape hatch – with no guarantee of a happy ending. If you don’t master the art of fair fighting, using effective communication skills, showing empathy and compassion for the needs of your partner, divorce is not likely to be of value in your life. Chances are you’ll move on to another toxic relationship, bringing with you the same unresolved baggage and issues which are destined to lead to new discord with your new partner. That said, there are sigs that divorce might be the best option for a couple, especially if they are parents. These include: Irreconcilable Disrespect: If one or both partners reach a point
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce is a life-altering experience that takes its toll on your physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. Its ramifications not only turn your own world upside down, but can also seriously affect your innocent children – a dire consequence we all want to avoid. Since divorce is a process, often a lengthy one, there are days – yes, weeks and months – when life can seem awfully low. Often overbearing. The weight can seem just too much to carry. The many life changes related to divorce can play a part in these difficult circumstances. And when you’re a parent at the same time … well, you know how it feels! Just know, as well, that you’re not alone. Parenting is tough for everyone, even under the best of circumstances. Parenting through and beyond divorce takes enormous focus and a continuous need for compassion, both for yourself and
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