By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC
Most people believe belive that it’s divorce itself that scars children. But the real truth is HOW PARENTS HANDLE THE DIVORCE IS WHAT DOES THE MOST DAMAGE!
Know that, I faced a lot of skepticism, from both the media and from parents, when I started my work as Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.
There were gender battles between mothers and fathers – each side accusing the other of being damaging to the wellbeing of the children.
There were sweeping generalizations about the impact of divorce on children – with cultural and religious contention that divorce was bad and staying together for the sake of the kids was somehow morally superior!
I fought those battels on TV, radio, blogs, magazine articles and social media – and slowly found support and strong endorsements from experts around the globe.
And over the past 10 years I learned a lot …
Among the most significant and life-altering things I learned were some of the biggest mistakes co-parents make without realizing the consequences. That includes … fighting around the kids, badmouthing your ex to the kids, using your kids as confidenats, turning your kids into spies or messengers for your convenience. The list goes on …
I also learned the subtle ways divorce affects children and how they compensate for parental mistakes as a survival strategy:
- Kids are robbed of their innocence and childhood as soon as you share adult information with your child – even teens.
- They grow resentful when they are forced to take sides or made to feel guilty for loving their other parent.
- They stop trusting you and other adults when they experience deceit, manipulation and other tactics to win their allegiance.
I also learned what your kids want – and really need from you — to minimize the negative impact of divorce in their lives:
- They primarily want security, support and your unconditional love.
- They need to know you’re not blaming them for the divorce or angry at them for saying nice things about their other parent.
- They need to feel free to continue their childhood without having to parent their parents. And that is a huge obstacle children face continuously as they try to move on after your divorce.
SO HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW …
Not loving your kids more than you hate your Ex … can create toxic results for everyone in the family!
Always … always … put your kid’s needs first.
You can co-parent effectiviely if you choose to because:
- Co-parenting success strategies can diffuse anger, hurt and pain – for you and for your kids.
- Having the right tools and resources can simplify the co-parenting process.
Once you put this to work in your life you’ll never have to apologize for how you handled your divorce to your kids! Imagine that!
SO LET ME ASK YOU THE MOST CRUCIAL QUESTION OF ALL …
Are your kids paying the price for your difficlt divorce?
Let’s connect to talk about how to make sure this isn’t the reality in your family! Personal Coaching provides workable answers and fast results. Let me support you and your family in creating a peaceful, successful and healthy future ahead.
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My work has been generating results. Sincere Thank Yous from parents. Recognition from therapists, mediators and divorce attorneys. I became an expert contributor to The Huffington Post, Divorce Magazine and some of the most significant divorce and parenting websites and blogs on the internet. I co-hosted The Divorce View Talk Show and then the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Radio Show & Podcast. DivorceForce named me one of the 10 most influential people in 2017. I was interviewed on radio and TV, even Australian TV on the Good Morning Show.
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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — With Love! To get her free ebook on Post Divorce Parenting, coaching services and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.