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Child Centered Divorce
The caring support you need if you're a parent who's facing ... going through ... or moving on after divorce!
  - Divorce and Co-Parenting
  - Parenting Children of Divorce
  - Dating as a Divorced Parent
Created by Rosalind Sedacca, CDC
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5 Pitfalls to Avoid When Telling Kids Ab...

5 Pitfalls to Avoid When Telling Kids About Divorce
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Facing divorce and stymied about how to tell your kids? Wondering how it will affect them? Worried about hurting them with the news? When’s the best time to talk? What to say and not say? What they will say? Not sure just what to confide?  Well, you’re not alone. There’s no doubt this might be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have. It’s a talk your children won’t want to have – and you must be prepared. Here are the five mistakes most commonly made by parents regarding the divorce talk. Be sure you don’t add stress to your children’s lives by making these errors. You'll find answers to the other questions on my blog at ChildCenteredDivorce.com.  1. Exposing your children to parental conflict or fighting. Studies show that this does more damage to children than any other factor in their lives – whether

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Parents: Are You Damaging Your Kids When...

Parents: Are You Damaging Your Kids When You Fight?
Parents fight & kids suffer during divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC  For years, as Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, I’ve been telling parents one crucial point. Fighting around the children is more damaging to them than divorce. Part of having an amicable divorce is giving your children’s psychological needs top priority when making all decisions. In that way you can avoid doing serious emotional harm to the kids. Many studies over the years supports this point, including several in the Journal of Research on Adolescence. Whether the focus of these studies is on fighting over financial issues, time-sharing, child-care or other related topics, the consequences are basically the same. Exposure to parental conflict psychologically damages your kids! The overall consensus is clear. Children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including

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Divorced Parents: 6 Steps To Stop Scarri...

Divorced Parents: 6 Steps To Stop Scarring Your Kids!
Parenting after divorce takes insight By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Let’s face it, divorce impacts everyone in the family. But it doesn’t have to scar your children if you remember to put their emotional and psychological needs first when making crucial co-parenting decisions. Keep in mind that every decision you make regarding your divorce will affect the wellbeing of your children in a multitude of serious ways. Of course, the emotional scars are not only harder to see, they’re also much harder to erase. Here are 6 significant ways to avoid scarring or wounding your kids as you move through your divorce and transition into post-divorce co-parenting in the months and years ahead. 1)  Stop conflict and fighting around the kids!  Studies show time and again that it is conflict and tension around children that creates the most difficulties for them related to divorce. It’s not the

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How Children of Divorce Are Affected By ...

How Children of Divorce Are Affected By Parental Anger & Conflict
Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce Whether you're contemplating divorce, in the process, or transitioning after your own divorce, there's one thing that's crucial for all parents to keep in mind ... Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. That’s why as parents we need to be diligent in monitoring our children -- as well as our own behavior -- to safeguard our kids from emotional and psychological damage. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, bullying, aggression and poor school grades. Here are some essential behaviors to avoid during and after divorce to protect your children from the negative effects of conflict on their psyches and emotional wellbeing. Never battle where

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Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict – T

Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict – That Most Damages Children?
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce catches kids in the middle So often I am asked: Is it divorce or parental discord that most damages children? More and more evidence points at the attitude of the parents being most influential on the outcome for innocent children. Many studies I've read about over the past decade all come to the agreement that children are more negatively impacted by parental conflict than by divorce itself.  Numerous articles by marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim address this topic in ways that are both relevant and, quite surprising for many. That’s because she refutes common misconceptions about divorce and addresses the real issues of concern. According to Bettelheim, “Studies conducted in the past 20 years have shown that on all meaningful measures of success -- social, economic, intellectual and psychological -- most adult children from divorced families are no worse off

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Protecting Children of Divorce From the ...

Protecting Children of Divorce From the Emotional Damage of  Parental Alienation!
Children are affected by divorce By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of the children involved. The results can be devastating – not only for the “target” parent, but for the children, as well. This is just one form of parental alienation. PA is a persistent and very complex set of behaviors designed to break the bond between the targeted parent and their children. Most significant is that the behavior usually feels totally justified by the alienating parent. The problem is that your innocent children are caught in the middle. Often they are quite upset and confused about being told disrespectful things about their other parent. Not only is this hurtful for them, the reaction can cause havoc in the family. Alienated children

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Parental Conflict After Divorce: Don’t B

Parental Conflict After Divorce: Don’t Blame the Kids!
By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of their children. The results can be devastating – not only for the “target” parent, but for the children, as well. This is just one form of parental alienation which is a serious and very complex set of behaviors that feel justified by the alienating parent. The problem is that children get caught in the middle. Too often they are confused by being told disrespectful things about their other parent. These children easily learn to manipulate both parents in ways that are destructive for the child’s socialization and ultimate well-being. When any parental disagreements reach into your children’s lives, you are treading in dangerous territory with long-lasting consequences. How you handle the situation could play a crucial role in determining

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Emotional Effects of Conflict on Childre...

Emotional Effects of Conflict on Children of Divorce
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. That’s why as parents we need to be diligent in monitoring our children as well as our own behavior to safeguard our kids from emotional and psychological damage. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Here are some essential behaviors to avoid during and after divorce to protect your children from the negative effects of conflict on their psyches. Never battle where kids can see or hear you. Little ears can pick up phone conversations as well as conflict behind closed bedroom doors. Parents often don't think about the psychological impact of their arguments on children. It changes who they

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Study Shows Children Are Psychologically...

Study Shows Children Are Psychologically Damaged When Parents Fight
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT For years I’ve been pointing out to parents that fighting around the children does more damage to them than their divorce. When parents handle divorce amicably and put their children’s psychological needs foremost when making all decisions, serious emotional harm to the kids is avoided. Now a study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence confirms this perspective. While the focus on this study is on fighting over financial issues, the consequences are basically the same: damage to the children’s well-being. The study shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Not surprisingly the study revealed that among parents who were dealing with "money-related chronic stress," relationships with their children were highly tense and lacking in intimacy. Is the tension related to

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Emotional Effects of Conflict on Childre...

Emotional Effects of Conflict on Children of Divorce
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Fighting around the children does more damage to them than divorce itself. A study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence* shows that children exposed to constant parental bickering are more likely to be depressed. They are also more prone to expressing other “problem behaviors,” including substance abuse, aggression and poor school grades. Never battle where kids can see or hear you. Little ears can pick up phone conversations as well as conflict behind closed bedroom doors. Parents often don't think about the psychological impact of their arguments on children. It changes who they are and how they feel about themselves and life in general. Never lie or play one parent off the other to win your child’s favors. Telling lies about, bashing or demeaning your former spouse confuses, hurts and angers children in serious ways. Keep personal resentments personal and don’t use your kids

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