divorce Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Child-Centered Divorce

Bashing Your Ex Has Bad Consequences For...

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems. We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way. When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part

Parenting After Divorce

When Divorced Parents Abandon Or Reject Their Kids

The emotional toll of divorce on children By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Following divorce, most parents are eager to see the children as frequently as possible. Often this desire results in heated battles inside or out of court focused around custody issues. In many cases co-parenting is the ideal option. A parenting plan is set into place and the children are moved between two homes giving them continued access to both parents. While many parents may not want to “share” the children, they often realize this is in their kid’s best interest, and therefore come up with an arrangement they can live with. In families that don’t co-parent, usually one parent has primary custody of the children with the other parent taking the reins on a scheduled basis. This regular visitation may be over weekends, specific days per month, or periodic visits during the year if distance

Parenting After Divorce

Divorce is Tough – Even On Your Adult Children!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Anger-Conflict Programs for Co-Parenting & Other Life Challenges We all know divorce is tough on families, especially when children are involved. In most cases, the older the children, the more complex the reaction and more difficult the adaptation. This includes adult children, as well. Adult children have a longer history in the former family unit, regardless of how healthy or toxic it has been. Perhaps they remember better times when Mom and Dad interacted with them and each other with more joy and harmony. Even if there were no good times to look back upon, adult and older children were accustomed to the existing family dynamic, knew their place in the structure, and felt a sense of comfort in “what is.” Resisting change is a natural part of being human. For adult children of divorce that resistance is compounded by a tendency

Relationship Advice

Why YOU – Not A Divorce Judge – Should Resolve Child Custody Disputes!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Judges and others in the divorce judicial system mean well. However, they are burdened with too many cases to unravel the complexities involved for each family. That leads to serious complications, injustice and errors. Consequently it is wise to do everything you can to stay out of court when settling child custody issues and disputes. Based on speaking to many family law attorneys I believe that situations work out best, long-term, when decisions are made by the parents themselves rather than being left to the legal system. Most parents continue to co-parent their children after divorce. Except for circumstances where children are at risk, both parents have the responsibility to put the their children first by working out a parenting plan that is in the children’s best interests. Having trouble agreeing on a plan that works for both parents and the kids? Remember: If you are

Parenting After Divorce

Children and Divorce: 5 Keys To Help Your Kids Thrive

Make smart parenting decisions after divorce. By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC No one plans to get divorced. But more than one million children in the U.S. will experience its affects this year alone. Divorce has become relatively mainstream in our culture, but that doesn’t make it easier for the parents or children involved. Consequently, innocent kids are coping with the consequences every day. The good news is that divorce need not wound and scar your children if you put their emotional and psychological needs first when making crucial decisions. It’s misguided parents – angry, resentful, hurt and mistrusting – who unintentionally set their children up for painful outcomes. These parents don’t understand that every decision they make regarding their divorce will affect the wellbeing of their children in countless ways. The emotional scars are not only harder to see, they’re also much harder to erase. Here are

Parenting After Divorce

How To Tell Your Children About the Divorce: A Proven Approach That’s Sensitive and Sane!

The best approach to breaking the divorce news to your children! By Rosalind Sedacca, DCD Few children outgrow the warm comfort of a bedtime tale. And like most kids, my son always enjoyed his baby pictures – watching himself grow and change. Divorce is certainly no fairytale, but I thought, ‘Maybe combing a story with our own family photos will help him grasp the biggest, most dramatic change of his life.’ When I decided to end my marriage, I spent countless sleepless, anxiety-filled nights trying to figure out how my then-11-year-old son might survive the trauma. I knew I had to help him understand that the divorce was not his fault; that his dad and I would always love him and keep him safe; and that things would turn out okay. I wanted a way to tell him the divorce was essentially about change – not

How Do I Tell the Kids About The Divorce?

Shared Parenting v. Equal Parenting: 5 Ways the New Laws Will Hurt Kids

Guest Post by Karen Covey Children affected by Divorce The story is all too familiar. The kids stand on the front steps, consumed by sadness. They watch their father walk toward the car. Silent tears roll down their cheeks while their dad gets in the car and drives away. As soon as he’s out of view, he chokes up and pulls over. He doesn’t want to lose his kids. But shared parenting seems like an impossible dream. It’s scenes like this one that have fueled the Father’s Rights movement. Over the past few decades, Father’s Rights advocates have slowly been chipping away at the assumption that mothers should always have sole custody of the kids in divorce. For years, fathers have been fighting to have an equal say in how their kids are raised. They have fought to get more time with their kids. Now, they’re

Child-Centered Divorce

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Divorce Books Helpful For Children of Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC We all know that divorce is one of the most traumatic events that can happen in a child’s life. Many people have written books on the subject to guide parents through the maze of challenges that are inevitable at this time. However, it is much more difficult communicating with children directly about divorce. There are a few books on the market written especially for children. None of them are one size fits all. So parents must read through each one to determine which book speaks most clearly to their own family situation. The age and gender of the children, relationship between the divorced parents, custodial agreements and other factors all influence how effective any one children’s book will be for any family. Karen Stanton has written and illustrated a new book: Monday, Wednesday And Every Other Weekend. It’s a gentle and accessible story about dealing with

Guest Experts

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Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict – That Most Damages Children?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce catches kids in the middle So often I am asked: Is it divorce or parental discord that most damages children? More and more evidence points at the attitude of the parents being most influential on the outcome for innocent children. Many studies I've read about over the past decade all come to the agreement that children are more negatively impacted by parental conflict than by divorce itself. Numerous articles by marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim address this topic in ways that are both relevant and, quite surprising for many. That’s because she refutes common misconceptions about divorce and addresses the real issues of concern. According to Bettelheim, “Studies conducted in the past 20 years have shown that on all meaningful measures of success -- social, economic, intellectual and psychological -- most adult children from divorced families are no worse off

Child-Centered Divorce

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, Founder of Child-Centered Divorce Networki What is a Child-Centered Divorce – and how is that different from more typical divorces? Unfortunately, too many parents approach divorce as adversaries. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. Parents are pitted against each other and innocent children inevitably pay the price. When custodial decisions move into contention, creating a scenario where lawyers, legislation and courts determine the direction of your children’s future, you not only lose power in your life, you lose harmony within your already fragile family structure. When you create a Child-Centered Divorce, your children win – on every level because you put their real needs first and foremost. Parents who make a concerted effort to sit down with each other and discuss the future wellbeing of their kids together, keep their perspective where it really belongs – on the children. Most parents

Child-Centered Divorce

Bashing Your Ex Has Bad Consequences For...

When Divorced Parents Abandon Or Reject ...

Divorce is Tough – Even On Your Adult Ch

Why YOU – Not A Divorce Judge – Should R

Children and Divorce: 5 Keys To Help You...

How To Tell Your Children About the Divo...

Shared Parenting v. Equal Parenting: 5 W...

Divorce Books Helpful For Children of Di...

Is It Divorce – Or Parental Conflict – T

Interview with Rosalind Sedacca, CDC — F

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