divorced parents Archives - Child-Centered Divorce

Divorced Parents: Communicate Compassion...

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or ager. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills. Some become more clinging – others more aloof – depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce. This is the time to focus on good parent/child communication. You can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again – despite the changes inflicted by your divorce. Here are some solid tips for more effective communication with your children. Master them today and they will work on your behalf for years and

Parenting After Divorce

Parental Alienation and Divorce Conflict: Don’t Blame the Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC It’s all too common to find parents who rage about their ex after the divorce. This usually includes venting about the other parent’s parenting skills. The results can be devastating. We all know divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. But too often we forget the effects, not only on the “targeted” parent. Disrespectful words, actions and decisions take their toll on your innocent children! This becomes a form of parental alienation. PA is a serious and complex set of behaviors. They are designed to win the favor of one parent against the other. In most cases, that parent feels fully justified in their behaviors. They refuse to see or acknowledge the harm in the alienation. When kids get caught in the middle ... Of course, the biggest consequence is that the children get caught in the middle. They are often confused by hurtful and disrespectful

Parenting After Divorce

Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regret? It’s Not Too Late To Make It Right!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce drives some people crazy. Because of that, divorced co-parents often make many poor decisions. Their judgment, integrity and behavior are easy to question. Their decisions regarding taking responsibility for their children come under scrutiny. There is much we can all learn from these mistakes as co-parents. And wisdom we can take away that is important for all of us to remember: It’s never too late to get it right – when your children are at stake! We all have regrets … In the heat of the divorce drama, we may have settled for a decision or two that we later regretted and still feel resentful. Or we made a child-related agreement that, in hindsight, was not in our child’s best interest – but we don’t know quite how to remedy the situation. Perhaps we lost our tempers at an inappropriate time and watched our children

Parenting After Divorce

6 Tips For Talking To Your Kids After Divorce!

Divorced parent communication with your child is essential. By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC When you’re a divorced parent, effective communication with your children is more important than ever. Which means honing your communication skills so you’re connecting with love, respect and compassion. Candid divorced parent communication opens the doors to a healthier, more positive relationship with your kids. It makes you more sensitive to issues of concern early on so you can nip them in the bud. It encourages your children to talk about what they are feeling. It addresses their questions and situations that are creating conflict for them. How to open the conversation so you’re not shut down! Don’t sit down and say, let’s talk. Find comfortable times and places where conversation can flow naturally and easily. Then bring up related subjects in a casual way. Watching TV or movies at home can often be

Parenting After Divorce

5 Crucial Steps Helping Divorced Parents Move On

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC 1. DECIDE TO LET GO If you truly want to move on from your divorce you must learn to let go of negative emotions that hold you hostage. That includes anger, resentment, blame, jealousy, hatred and anxiety. Of course, there is a time and place for experiencing those emotions. Allow yourself to feel them – to mourn the dream that turned sour. Then make a decision to let them go. Do this for your benefit – not on behalf of your former spouse. Negative emotions can hold you in limbo and suck the life out of you. You get stuck in a place that’s painful to experience and it makes you unpleasant to be around. For the sake of your children – if not for yourself – decide to let it all go. Determine to move on. Yes, it’s not always easy to do, but

Parenting After Divorce

4 Sane Steps To Overcoming Guilt During and After Divorce!

Divorce catches kids in the middle By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce brings up a broad array of painful emotions including anger, fear, resentment and hurt. And when you’re a parent, guilt can surface among your most dominant feelings. For loving parents, guilt can be an incredibly powerful emotion. That’s because divorce triggers our basic beliefs on parenting rules and conduct. Usually when you experience guilt you are feeling bad about a previous action, thought or feeling that you perceive to be wrong. When you cannot let that go you can experience tremendous guilt. While everyone feels guilty at some time in their life, divorce pushes the guilt button in dramatic ways. And some people are more susceptible. Often those with low self-esteem, tendencies towards perfectionism, the need to be in control or who have difficulty letting go of anger are more riddled by guilt. Because divorce is such an

Child-Centered Divorce

Divorce catches kids in the middle By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC If you’re a parent, divorce doesn’t end your relationship with your former spouse. It only changes the form in some specific ways. It is still essential to create a working relationship focused on the optimum care and concern for your children. Every co-parenting relationship will be unique, affected by your post-divorce family dynamics. However, there are guidelines that will enhance the results for children in any family. Here are some crucial points to keep in mind to maximize your co-parenting success. Respect your co-parent’s boundaries: Chances are your former spouse has a different parenting style than you, with some conflicting rules. Rather than stress yourself about these differences, learn to accept that life is never consistent and it may actually be beneficial for your kids to experience other ways of doing things. Step back from micro-managing

Parenting After Divorce

10 Key Questions Divorced Co-Parents Must Answer If You Really Love Your Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorced parents face challenges that are not only complex; they are long lasting as well. There are many variations of joint parenting, co-parenting and other forms of divorced parenting based on how well both parents get along, their geographical proximity, the age of the children and other contributing factors. Every decision made will affect the children involved -- and the impact can be detected in children’s behavior, attitudes and levels of self-esteem. To help parents co-parent more effectively I’ve created a list of significant questions to ask yourselves. I share these during mentoring sessions with parents not only before, but long after the divorce as well. If you sit together and discuss these questions, or review them during mediation, it can help you avoid serious mistakes and unnecessary strife now and well into the future. The more honest you are with yourself and your former spouse,

Parenting After Divorce

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Divorced Parents: Alone For the Holidays Can Be Especially Tough!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Are you facing alone time without the kids this holiday season? Often that’s one of the saddest consequences of divorce when you’re a parent. What do you do when your children are visiting their other parent? While short-term periods when the kids are away can be a welcome break for an overscheduled single parent, for others the intervals between seeing the children can be long and lonely. It can be particularly challenging when your friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings. Don’t sink into despair. It’s really important at this time to get creative and absorbed in activities that you find personally fulfilling. This can become an ideal time to reflect on meeting your own needs and finding new people, activities and events that bring joy into your life. Among the greatest challenges for divorced parents is avoiding self-pity. When you’re overwhelmed by

Child-Centered Divorce

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorce Is Essential!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce can be devastating on many levels. In addition to the financial and stress toll on both partners, it can easily wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil resulting in guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth. It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, personal coach, professional counselor or other expert resources will be very valuable in reminding you that 1) you are not alone in your experiences or feelings and 2) there is a brighter future ahead for you – if you take proactive steps in that direction. While family and friends are usually very well intentioned, their support may not always be valuable for you. They have their own agendas,

Relationship Advice

Divorced Parents: Communicate Compassion...

Parental Alienation and Divorce Conflict...

Divorced Parents: Made Mistakes You Regr...

6 Tips For Talking To Your Kids After Di...

5 Crucial Steps Helping Divorced Parents...

Co-Parenting After Divorce Depends On Sm...

10 Key Questions Divorced Co-Parents Mus...

Divorced Parents: Alone For the Holidays...

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorc...

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