The caring support you need if you're a parent who's facing ... going through ... or moving on after divorce! - Divorce and Co-Parenting - Parenting Children of Divorce - Dating as a Divorced Parent
Created by Rosalind Sedacca, CDC
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Ever go on a vacation without making plans in advance? The consequences are usually disastrous. If you fail to plan ahead regarding newspaper and mail delivery, feeding your pets or watering the plants, knowing where your destination is and reserving your accommodations, your vacation is likely to be filled with disappointment, frustration and even heartache. What about preparing your children for your pending divorce? Do you have a plan – or are you going to wing it without any prior thought? For children, divorce is a monumental life experience for which they have no preparation. The very foundation of their security – their love for Mom and Dad – is being thrown into turmoil. Everything they knew and accepted as part of routine daily life is going to be affected in one way or another. They don’t know what to expect and have little source of comfort other than their
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Forgiveness can be one of the hardest concepts to understand – and one of the most personally helpful actions to take. This is especially so for parents who have experienced divorce. If you want to move on and give yourself and your children the better future you deserve, consider the power of forgiveness! Here are six steps to assist you in the process: 1. Be aware that forgiveness is all about you – not the person being forgiven. It does not mean you agree with or accept their behavior -- nor that you will you permit it to be repeated. 2. Reflect upon how holding on to your anger has been creating continuing pain in your life. Are you filled with tension or sorrow, spending sleepless nights, experiencing headaches and other stress signals? Consider who is being more adversely affected by your lack of forgiveness. Aren’t
It’s no secret that one of the biggest challenges a parent faces after divorce is staying in good communication with your children. Obviously all parents struggle with communication issues as their children grow, but children who have had their lives dramatically altered by separation or divorce need even more attention – and diligent observation by their parents. Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed. Instead they reflect their problems through their behavior – acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce. Here are some tips that most all professionals agree about as ways to encourage positive and productive communication between you and your children. Many of these are obvious or innate behaviors. Some can easily be forgotten amid the challenges you are juggling in your own life on a daily basis. Take time
During divorce proceedings parenting plans or contact schedules are usually established to create a semblance of routine in this new chapter of family life. I am a strong believer in co-parenting whenever possible to serve the best interest of your children. But it’s the reality of post-divorce daily life that puts everyone to the test. Here are 4 ways to ease the process for everyone involved. 1. Be patient with one another. Starting any new schedule in life is never easy. Chances are the between-homes transition will present a number of challenges for you as you adapt to the many responsibilities involved. At the same time, think about the challenges for your children who never signed on for this. Be especially empathic with them if they express frustration, anger and resentment at first. Also allow your children time to adjust to the “new” home after each transition. In time these
National Child-Centered Divorce Month celebrated with free ebooks, coaching, teleclasses & more through July July is National Child-Centered Divorce Month, dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children's well-being during and after separation or divorce. Divorce attorneys, mediators, therapists, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and other professionals concerned about the effects of divorce on children will be sharing their advice and insights on the topic throughout July. Their goal is to educate parents about the choices they do have before moving into divorce to prevent negative consequences for children of all ages. During July parents are encouraged to visit a special web page at which they can download a variety of free ebooks, audio presentations, services and other gifts from divorce professionals throughout North America. They can also access a series of free teleclasses presented by "child-centered" divorce experts providing sound advice on divorce and parenting
Is it divorce or parental discord that most damages children? Answers are finally coming in! A recent article by marriage and family therapist Ruth Bettelheim has much to say on this topic that is both relevant and, quite surprising for many. That’s because she refutes common misconceptions about divorce and addresses the real issues of concern. According to Bettelheim, “Studies conducted in the past 20 years have shown that on all meaningful measures of success -- social, economic, intellectual and psychological -- most adult children from divorced families are no worse off than their peers whose parents remained married.” Researchers have found two explanations for this, notes Bettelheim. “Children who have to cope with their parents’ separation and post-divorce lives often grow resilient, self-reliant, adaptable and independent. And children benefit from escaping the high-conflict environment of a rocky marriage. After their parents’ separation, as conflicts fade, children recover.” There is
Want the latest feedback and perspectives from founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT? Sedacca, the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! is now a regular contributor to the popular blog, Basil & Spice. Every week Rosalind provides her insights on divorce and parenting issues – many posts based on current news headlines generating buzz around the world. She also provides advice, useful suggestions and valuable information related to divorce legislation, effective co-parenting, communication skills and the effects of divorce on children. Her columns can be found under Love and Relationship at //www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/. Basil & Spice (//www.basilandspice.com) features blog posts on a broad spectrum of subjects of popular interest, including health, fitness, finances, weight loss, environmental issues and mind/body balance. Founder Kelly Jad’on says, “The world is rapidly changing and it is my
Many caring parents I speak to admit to feeling tremendous guilt during and after their divorce. It’s easy to understand why. Parents who are aware of the emotional toll a separation or divorce can take on their children feel torn about whether they made the right decision. Are they being selfish in moving ahead with the divorce? Will this experience psychologically scar their children for life? Will the kids ever forgive them – or their other parent – for initiating the divorce? Are they making the right decisions regarding co-parenting, visitation, communication and discussing all related issues with the kids? These are valid questions to ask yourself. The answers should be seriously considered before making any move in the direction of divorce. However, divorce is never a black and white issue. Changing the form of a family unit doesn’t necessarily mean destroying the family or the love between parents and
We all know that divorce is one of the most traumatic events that can happen in a child’s life. Many people have written books on the subject to guide parents through the maze of challenges that are inevitable at this time. However, it is much more difficult communicating with children directly about divorce. There are a few books on the market written especially for children. None of them are one size fits all. So parents must read through each one to determine which book speaks most clearly to their own family situation. The age and gender of the children, relationship between the divorced parents, custodial agreements and other factors all influence how effective any one children’s book will be for any family. One book written with great sincerity and compassion is Where Am I Sleeping Tonight? A Story of Divorce by Carol Gordon Ekster with Illustrations by Sue Rama. I
Divorce doesn’t end your co-parenting relationship with your former spouse. It only changes the form. It is still essential to create a working relationship focused on the optimum care and concern for your children. Every co-parenting relationship will be unique, affected by your post-divorce family dynamics. However, there are guidelines that will enhance the results for children in any family. Here are some crucial points to keep in mind to maximize your co-parenting success. Respect your co-parent’s boundaries: Chances are your former spouse has a different parenting style than you, with some conflicting rules. Rather than stress yourself about these differences, learn to accept that life is never consistent and it may actually be beneficial for your kids to experience other ways of doing things. Step back from micro-managing your co-parent’s life. If the kids aren’t in harm’s way, let go and focus on only the most serious issues before
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