By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT When famous celebrities like Mel Gibson, Denise Richards, Halle Berry and others battle through a divorce, the stakes are high. Millions of dollars are often in contention, blurring issues related to child-custody and visitation. These couples hire killer attorneys and commit to paying an enormous price -- which includes not only hefty legal fees, but a tremendous time expenditure and emotional toll. Too many non-celebrity couples facing divorce blindly choose this same path – often without considering the reality of all the costs involved. They do not have the revenue to maintain ongoing litigation in the courts. Nor do they have a game plan for putting together the pieces of their shattered family after the legal battles are finally over. Sadly they come to realize that celebrities are usually poor role models. They don’t necessarily make the wisest decisions regarding their children’s best interest as they
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT I recently came upon this quote from British blogger, David Bly: “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Basically that’s the best advice anyone can give any parent. It’s especially so when faced with challenging times, such as your divorce. It’s estimated that 40% of our children will experience the divorce of their parents. The outcome is not the same for all children or all families. That’s why it’s so important for parents facing divorce to understand that every decision they make has consequences that affect their children as well as their own well-being for years and decades to come. As a Divorce & Parenting Coach I’ve found that many parents are short-sighted when it comes to understanding the effects of divorce on their children. They don’t understand that emotional wounds in childhood lead to behaviors in the
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Divorce, like most other aspects of our culture, is being affected by new technological advances. In recent years several states in the U.S. have started allowing and even encouraging virtual visitation as part of the divorce agreement. The purpose is to enable a divorced parent with whom the children are not living to enjoy connection time with their child by utilizing a variety of electronic communication tools. This can include video web chats, email dialogue, Face-time, sharing iPod music, playing iPhone games together or other technological interactions. While many are embracing this reality as a means of maintaining a stronger connection between a parent and their child who is living apart, there are others expressing concern. Some feel these technology-based alternatives are not a substitute for in-person visits. These divorce professionals are afraid that some parents will rely too heavily on virtual communication. They may forgo
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT Even though divorce is a common reality in today’s world, it can still be emotionally devastating and difficult to accept. During vacation time adults and children can easily be upset by past memories or former traditions that are no longer part of their lives. This can lead to feelings of not being a “real” family anymore. Accusations, guilt, blame and a sense of inadequacy easily fuels conflict that can undermine even the most festive occasions or well-meant plans. Too often post-divorce families set themselves up for disappointment by making comparisons with vacations of the past. Children can erroneously expect certain family traditions to continue. Concerned parents may try to replicate the close bonds and sense of security within the family – and regret that things are just not the same. Instead, think proactively! Start creating new experiences, new memories and new places to explore. By talking
Parenting is a continual learning process, which is compounded when you are going through a divorce. Here's how to speak to your children so you are heard and they listen.
Collaborative attorney, Michael Mastracci's book, Stop Fighting Over the Kids offers valuable technique he uses when dealing with parenting issues with your former spouse along with great questions to ask yourself.
While smart parenting plans make excellent tools for the family after divorce, keep them flexible so that their purpose doesn’t get lost in a maze of too rigid rules. Allow for some fluctuation and reassessments as the family ages and also experiences the day-to-day realities of their living arrangements.
If you’re a parent coping with divorce-related issues, professionals around the world are here to provide free gifts and services to you all through January. In recognition of International Child-Centered Divorce Month, we’ve enrolled child-centered divorce mediators, divorce coaches, therapists, financial planners and other professionals on four continents to join this educational campaign. Their goal is to share insights, advice, tips and tools to help you create the most positive outcome for your family as you transition through divorce and beyond.
Rosalind Sedacca, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents provides advice for helping your children adjust to two homes after divorce, assimilate into their new routines and accept the changes in their lives in the most positive possible ways.
It’s tough for children to adapt to between-home transitions after their parents’ separation or divorce. Here are four ways to ease the co-parenting process for children and parents post-divorce.