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If you’re a parent coping with divorce-related issues, professionals around the world are here to provide free gifts and services to you all through January. In recognition of International Child-Centered Divorce Month, we’ve enrolled child-centered divorce mediators, divorce coaches, therapists, financial planners and other professionals on four continents to join this educational campaign. Their goal is to share insights, advice, tips and tools to help you create the most positive outcome for your family as you transition through divorce and beyond.

Here’s just a sampling of the many gifts awaiting you when you visit our special website: www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook.

At the website just enter your email address to download free ebooks, coaching services, online parenting classes, audio seminars and much more!  Choose as many gifts as you like. The links are at www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder Child-Centered Divorce Network

Successful Divorce & Co-Parenting Expert Interview Series — $100 value
These four MP3 audio coaching programs include interviews with 12 respected Child-Centered Divorce experts – including attorneys, mediators, therapists, parenting coordinator and others – providing valuable tools and guidance in their areas of specialization.

Dr. Dee Adio-Moses
Live Again after Divorce — $17 value
An ebook that brings clarity and opens the doorway to healing the trauma of divorce.

Naomi Douglas, Founder of Divorce Coach Australia
30-minute Divorce Coaching Consultation by phone

Deborah Hecker, Ph.D.
Complimentary Consultation & 30-minute Follow-up Session — $200 value
Package offers free phone/Skype consultation and follow-up session with national divorce expert, Deborah Hecker, Ph.D., who will offer insights and recommendations to assist you in resolving personal, parental or other divorce-related concerns.

Deborah Moskovitch, Divorce Coach
20-minute Free Coaching Session — $60 value
The Smart Divorce one-on-one coaching guides people to have a positive outcome from their divorce – for a happier, healthier future.

Jennifer Safian, Divorce and Family Mediator
ONE hour of FREE Divorce Mediation
Start your divorce process with a 2-hr session in January 2013 and get the 1st hr FREE!

Michelle Muncy, Director of Education: Online Parenting Programs
Free: any one online parenting program! $39 value

Patrick McMillan, Founder of TeachingHappiness.com
Discover Your Happiness – A Guide Just for Kids ebook is filled with lessons and activities that inspire positive thoughts and feelings teaching kids where their true lasting happiness resides, and how to develop habits to access it anytime.

Suzy Miller, Creator of Divorce in a Box (The Alternative Divorce Guide)
Divorce in a Box – the alternative divorce guide – free download
Stay out of court, protect the children and save money with Divorce in a Box booklets, resource DVD and $100?s of introductory sessions with top experts. (UK version also available)

Mimi Lupin, M.A. L.P.C., L.S.S.P.
Swimming with the Dolphins: MP3 audio
Story of an imaginary trip to visit the dolphins who talk to children and help them understand their parents’ divorce.

Dawn Sinnott, Divorce Coach & Host of radio show “Chapter 2: Real Divorce Stories, Real Divorce Support”
My radio show interview with Donna Martini, author of The Ten Commandments of Divorce – How to Leave Your Marriage Without Breaking Up Your Family.  Donna discusses how to get past the anger of your divorce and focus on what’s truly best for your children as well as how important it is to balance the resources between ex-spouses so that children feel at peace with the divorce.

Remember, all these free gifts … and many more … are awaiting you at the special ICCD Month website: www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook. Just enter your email address, click the confirmation email link, and you’ll be sent directly to the FREE GIFTS and FREE EVENTS pages. Visit often, all through January.

We welcome your feedback.

Best  New Year Wishes to all!

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

Sadly, celebrity divorces make all the headlines for all the wrong reasons. They showcase the most unconscious behavior, especially when it comes to relationships. Kim Kardashian’s marriage gone off tracks after such a short time is just one more example.

It appears Kim spent more time working out her wedding details than on determining whether this was a good match from the start. Unfortunately, celebrities are not alone in making this common mistake. Too many couples think no further than the honeymoon plans when contemplating marriage. They have no idea about the complexity behind real relationship issues and the maturity it takes to create a successful long-term outcome.

Divorced couples do. They learn through hindsight about the challenges two people face when living together week after week, month after month in today’s stress-filled world. It takes awareness, flexibility, great communication skills and the ability to understand your partner’s perspective to make a relationship work – and that’s just for routine life experiences. Throw in accidents, sickness, job loss and other major stressors, not to mention the complexities that come with having children, and it’s easy to understand why so many marriages fail and too often end in divorce.

If you’re divorced and looking to find a healthier, happier relationship ahead, or marrying for the first time and want to avoid relationship disasters, here are some tips that are worth serious consideration:

· Know your partner well — during the good times and the bad. It’s after you face disagreements, nursing your partner through an illness and other life challenges that you find out who you are really contemplating spending the rest of your life with. If what you discover makes you uncomfortable, have some serious conversations – or move on before making any further commitments.

· Don’t expect to be “completed,” “saved,” or “fixed.” No one can fill the void in your inner self. You’re setting your partner up for failure if you expect them to fix your problems and love you through your unresolved issues. Do the inner work on yourself first, perhaps with the support of a therapist. Heal your wounds and neediness. Then seek out another soul who has done the same to partner with you.

· Be hooked on more than just romance. Happily married couples will tell you that you have to be more than great bed-mates to make a real relationship work. Look for common values, goals, beliefs and interests. Opposites may attract in the short-term, but you want a marriage based on respect and sharing a future together. If your core values and interests are not in alignment, you’re facing a tougher road ahead.

· Be your authentic self – and don’t change for a partner’s approval. You can’t fake your way through a marriage. If you hate sports, the internet or pets, state it up front and find a mate who loves you knowing this reality. It’s unfair to hide your true self from your partner and it’s a disservice to yourself pretending to be who you are not. Honor who you are and look for a partner with high self-esteem who loves themselves as they are. That’s a formula for lasting relationship success!

As Kim Kardashian discovered, money won’t buy you a happy marriage. You can’t use sensuality as a substitute for good sense. Relationships don’t have storybook endings. They require constant attention, the ability to sacrifice and compromise at times, and a heavy dose of respect for the person you brought into your life.

Before setting out in the relationship world, work on your inner demons, let go of the baggage from previous relationships, and take your time in getting to know the special partner you are choosing. There’s no magic wand that will make your relationship succeed, but these guidelines will set you on a course that will circumvent a lot of pot holes along the road to happily ever after.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a divorce and relationship coach. She is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and author of the internationally acclaimed ebook: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! She is also co-author of the new book: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Her free divorce and parenting tip sheet and coaching programs are available at www.childcentereddivorce.com. Rosalind’s free dating tip sheet and relationships courses can be found at www.womendatingafter40.com.

Returning to school after their parents have separated or divorced can be difficult for any child. You can ease the transition, however, by opening the door to the many resources available to you through the school. The key here is in forming a cooperative relationship with key personnel.

Making your child’s teachers aware of a major change in your home environment is helpful both for them and your child. That’s because school is really a second home for children in our culture.

Regardless of their age, children can’t be expected to turn off their emotions during or after a divorce any more than their parents can. Fear, insecurity, shame, guilt and other emotions are usually triggered when a parental marriage ends. These complex feelings can affect a child’s focus, self-esteem, relationships with their friends as well as their academic performance.

Many children trust and feel safe with their teachers. By talking to the teacher in advance and explaining the status of your post-divorce arrangements, you can go a long way toward helping your child feel more secure or less alone.

Here are some tips for making the most of your school system and professional educators:

·    A compassionate teacher can keep an eye open for signs of distress or depression in your child. You can provide some messages for the teacher to share should they feel it appropriate to talk with your child about their feelings. A trusted teacher can remind your child that he or she is not at fault … that they aren’t the only students at school who are going through these challenging times … and that life will move back into a more comfortable place before too long. This can be helpful in reinforcing prior conversations you’ve already had with your child. It also reassures your child that the divorce is not a big shameful secret. It can be discussed candidly and openly without shame.

·    It’s also wise to speak with your child’s guidance counselors. These professionals are trained to handle challenging circumstances and can be an ally that you and your family can count on for support and suggestions.

·    The key here is to bring these educators onto your team on behalf of your child. With their eyes open, it will be easier to detect signs of depression, aggression or other behavior changes that need to be brought to your attention and discussed as soon as possible.

·    Some schools offer support groups for children coping with divorce issues. It can be very helpful for children to talk to one another, sharing their fears and other anxieties during or after the divorce. Knowing they’re not alone, that they’re accepted and that others are facing the same type of family dynamics gives children a sense of belonging. It’s also an opportunity to vent and make new friends with children who can empathize with them. The less alone a child feels, the better they are able to accept the challenges they will be facing in the weeks and months ahead.

Talk to your child before sending them back to school. Discuss any changes in routine or scheduling they can expect. Also let them know who they can talk to at school if they are feeling sad or have questions about adapting to life at school post-divorce. School can be your child’s best friend at this time – and a great support system for your family – if you take advantage of all the resources available.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! The ebook provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For free articles, coaching services and other resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

© Rosalind Sedacca   All rights reserved.

Православни икониThe Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards marriage and divorce has been fodder for tabloid headlines for years. Too often celebrity divorces are showcases for doing divorce wrong. That’s why it deserves our attention and recognition when any divorced parent who is under constant media attention makes decisions that are supportive of a child-centered perspective.

Sheen and Richards were divorced in 2006. “When we fell in love,” Richards said, “he had been sober for three years. He was getting his life back together. He had just gotten a job on ‘Spin City.’ And I really admired his strength and courage for overcoming addiction, and being so humble about it.

“And that’s what attracted me to him. So the Charlie that some of you have seen over the last year is not the person that I met and married.”
As with so many marriages, the early years started with much promise. Richards said Sheen was “amazing” when they first met. “He was so humbled and sweet, and charming and funny. And had such a great heart, and very honest. And we just had a very deep connection.”

When asked about the recent media circus surrounding Charlie and his questionable behavior, Richards noted, “From the beginning of it I was very worried. And it made me sad to see him that way. And so I was concerned. I was concerned for our children.”

What parent wouldn’t be? Richards went on to say that when it comes to Charlie’s antics, it’s the couple’s two daughters — Sam, 7 and Lola, 6 – that are her top priority.

And this is why I’m bringing attention to this high-profile divorce. Richards understands that her girls love their Dad and while she needs to protect them when he’s acting out, she also knows that keeping them from him would be emotionally hurtful and psychologically harmful for the girls. While other mothers may have chosen to distance their children from a troubled father, Richards is rooting for him and working as hard as she can to keep her “family” together – for the sake of the kids.

She did have to talk to the girls about addiction to explain some of the stories even they were hearing. According to Denise she was not planning to have that conversation for several years, but it had to be done.

“We’ll always have a bond with our daughters,” she said. “And I wish nothing but the best for him.”

When recently interviewed and asked what her wish for her ex-husband was, the actress said she wants him to be healthy and there for his kids and himself.

“He’s a survivor,” said Richards. “If anyone can pick themselves up, make a huge comeback, it’s Charlie.”

There’s a valuable lesson here for us all when we find our Ex isn’t behaving according to our standards or value system. Watch, wait and be flexible. I salute Denise for knowing that her relationship with Charlie and his relationship with the kids need not be black or white. She can evaluate the circumstances and monitor his actions before bringing the girls to see him. When things are good, the girls get to spend precious time with their Dad. When he’s off center, Denise steps in to protect them all from possible embarrassment or hurt.

Isn’t that what a responsible mother does? And what a child-centered divorce is all about?

Yes, this is a controversial topic with no simple right or wrong answers. I invite you to provide your own perspective so our community can chat about it.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! The ebook provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For free articles, coaching and other valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

© Rosalind Sedacca All rights reserved.