>online casino I have several divorced friends and colleagues with teenagers who are displaying disturbing behavior problems. These teens, especially the boys, are acting out in all the ways parents pray they never have to experience: drugs, hanging with the wrong crowd, school problems, disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior — you get the idea.
While each of these teens have parents who are divorced, there’s more to it than just that. Their biological fathers are not playing a strong role in their lives. And their mothers do not have
This is one of the things I fear. My son is ten, and his mom and I have been divorced since he was three.
I try to call him every night, but he is entering that stage where he doesn’t want to talk that much to his parents. When he is with me, I try to do a lot with him, and I am encouraged that during his last visit, we went to a wing place, and he said he’d like to make that a regular thing he and I did.
Thanks for sharing your concerns about this topic, Tim. Sounds like you’re right on target with keeping connected to your son. Creating special routines is an excellent way to bond and maintain your connection as your son moves into the teen years. It’s natural for him to grow more independent and spend more time with his friends as he ages. That doesn’t mean his bond with you will lessen on a deep emotional basis. He may not need to spend as much time with you, but he will continue to know you are there for him. Chat with him while driving or watching TV about current events relevant to pre-teens: drugs, sex, respect for girls, school grades, responsible behavior, etc. as the topics come up in normal conversation. He will know he can talk to you about important issues in his life. Then trust that your relationship will remain strong despite the challenges that come with the teen years. It will!
Thanks again for responding. We all appreciate your candor and concern.
Sincerely,
Rosalind Sedacca
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce
I too think it is so important that father’s stay very active in both their son’s and daughter’s lives. Tim must be such a wonderful father. I have a friend who has just gone trough a nasty divorce. She has two little boys and does everything she can to ensure that her boys don’t get to spend time with their father. I can see how difficult it is for her to turn her sons over to him (he cheated on her and is now living with the lady he cheated on her with). I bought her a great book titled, “STOP fighting Over the Kids” by Mike Mastracci, and hope that this book can make a difference in her thinking. I read it recently because my husband and I have been going through a lot of challenges. I bought it because I wanted to learn how to not involve my children in our quarrels. It has helped me out immensely. I found the book easy to read and jam-packed with insights, information and guidance, the likes of which I have yet to see anywhere else.
I have b/g 15yr old twins. Have been divorced for 5 years and I have full custody as of this last year since joint wasn’t working out. Their father has never taken an active role in thier life except at his convienience.He doesn’t go to any school functions, activities or anything with the kids.He has visitation but doesn’t show up and when he does he usually just wants their younger sister and brother.I work fulltime and still try to attend every sport and school activity they have and lately they have been very disrespectful and always picking arguments and fights with everyone.They use horrible language and when I try to ground them or anything they get worse and finally they yell I want to go to dads then.Problem there, their dad won’t come for visits or anything else.Any help would be great because I am out of ideas.
Hi Kay: Thanks for sharing your challenges. Sounds like you’re in a tough position as the full-time parent who gets the brunt of the flack from kids who are feeling frustrations, insecurities and other disturbing emotions due to Dad not being meaningfully in their lives.
A counselor would be helpful for all to talk to. This is a tough time for teens without the weight of the divorce adding to their emotional burdens. They need to understand that their Dad’s rejection is not their fault; they are are wonderful children never-the-less. At the same time they need to hear that you are not their enemy and don’t deserve their abuse. But it’s not easy for them to “get” these messages.
Perhaps a Group therapy program for teens coping with divorce issues will allow them to vent in the company of others who understand what they are experiencing.
Don’t do nothing. Things will not get better unless you take proactive action in a therapeutic direction. Remind your children of your love, that you are family, and that Dad is always invited to participate with them. Don’t give up. There are resources available to help you.
Best wishes,
Rosalind