South African Wellness Counselor, Nadia Thonnard of Inner Minds Counseling, is a strong proponent of child-centered divorce. She brings great sensitivity to this issue because she not only provides counseling services to clients, she has experienced the sting of divorce in her own life. Her advice to others comes from personal experience as well as professional expertise. Recently Nadia entered a personal blog post that I want to share with the child-centered divorce community. Read it below followed by my own response. rent a car bulgariaI get quite a few letters which start by saying that the spouse left one day, without prior warning. Meaning no disrespect, when I read those I can't help

Cynthia Tiano, Esq., reformed “killer” divorce attorney turned mediator and creator of the Celebrity Co-Parent Awards, and Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of National Child-Centered Divorce Month in July, have announced the contenders for the first ever Celebrity Co-Parent Awards, which were created to catch celebrity co-parents in the act of doing something right. The criteria for the award are celebrity couples who have survived the breakup of their relationship and have consistently engaged in responsible, loving and respectful co-parenting that puts the children’s emotional needs first when making any parenting decisions or dealing with each other. The celebrities recognized by the Child-Centered Divorce consortium and the Celebrity Co-Parent advisory board as good role models when it comes to separation, divorce and parenting are: • Demi Moore and Bruce Willis who have worked through their problems and consistently maintained a good working relationship for the benefit of their children; • Robin

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Divorce has many effects on children. No two children will react in exactly the same way. That’s why parents need to be diligent about watching for signs and indications that your child may be having problems coping with their new reality. Depression is one of the more common reactions we see in children of divorce. Unfortunately, many parents entirely miss or misinterpret the signs of depression. It can take many forms including behavior that is distancing, lethargic and withdrawn. This is often accompanied by a drop in school grades. But depression can also show in other ways, such as agitation, frustration and aggression. When depression takes that form, parents are likely to think of it in terms of discipline problems and respond with punishment. It takes maturity and a broader perspective to stand back and realize that your child’s misbehavior may actually be a way of communicating how they are

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Statistics bear it out. Every January the number of couples filing for divorce rises dramatically. And this year the numbers seem to be even higher. When you think about it, the reason comes as no surprise. Many couples considering splitting decide to wait until after the holidays to break the news to their children. Others wait to take advantage of year-end job bonuses so they’ll have the extra funds to cover attorney, moving and other related expenses. Regardless, it’s not the why that should be concerning us at this time – it’s the how. How are these couples, if they are parents, going to approach their separation or divorce – and how will it affect their innocent children? I, too, planned my separation at this time of year more than a decade ago. My son was eleven at the time. We told him a couple of days after Christmas but

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Parental Alienation – when one or both divorcing parents attempts to negatively influence their children about the other parent -- is one of the most terrible outcomes of a divorce gone bad. It’s a difficult and complex subject, but the outcome is always the same. Children who are emotionally scarred. When you mix two egos with dramatically differing perspectives, you’re bound to get an entanglement of emotions compounded by allegations, defensiveness and self-righteousness. Unfortunately, no one wins when parental alienation runs its course during and after a divorce. But it’s the children in particular who lose in a big way. Many of them are affected for life. Behind parental alimentation are parents who feel totally justified in hating, resenting or otherwise distancing themselves from their former spouse. They fail to take into account how this might psychologically play out in an innocent child who naturally loves both parents. Backed by

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Parental Alienation – when one or both divorcing parents attempts to negatively influence their children about the other parent -- is one of the most terrible outcomes of a divorce gone bad. It’s a difficult and complex subject, but the outcome is always the same. Children who are emotionally scarred. When you mix two egos with dramatically differing perspectives, you’re bound to get an entanglement of emotions compounded by allegations, defensiveness and self-righteousness. Unfortunately, no one wins when parental alienation runs its course during and after a divorce. But it’s the children in particular who lose in a big way. Many of them are affected for life. Behind parental alimentation are parents who feel totally justified in hating, resenting or otherwise distancing themselves from their former spouse. They fail to take into account how this might psychologically play out in an innocent child who naturally loves both parents. Backed by

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Bad things can happen to good people. Divorce is a prime example. Good people get divorced. Responsible people who are loving parents get caught in the decision to end a loveless or deceitful marriage. The consequences of that decision can either be life affirming or destroying, depending upon how each parent approaches this transition. Parents who are blinded by blame and anger are not likely to learn much through the experience. They see their former spouse as the total problem in their life and are convinced that getting rid of that problem through divorce will bring ultimate resolution. These parents are often self-righteous about the subject and give little thought to what part they may have played in the dissolution of the marriage. Parents at this level of awareness are not looking to grow through the divorce process. They are more likely to ultimately find another partner with whom they

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Michael Mastracci is an attorney on a mission -- one he shares with the entire child-centered divorce community. He talks about – and is soon to be the author of a new book about – Divorce Without Dishonor. “A difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to my interest in collaborative family law,” notes Mastracci. His soon to be released book focuses on child custody issues and divorce using collaborative law. Mike is quite personable and a good listener. Along with those traits he has a sincere interest in helping parents to resolve their divorce and child custody issues “in a fair and even-handed manner that will cause the least amount of damage” to their children. “I have personally seen the strife that divorce causes in families,” says Mike, “and want to express my concern and compassion for your personal situation.” “Collaborative law does not mean giving away

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October is National Talk to Your Child Month. You wouldn’t think one would need to create such a designation, advising parents to talk to their children. Unfortunately, many parents need just such a reminder -- especially in today’s mega-paced culture in which just sitting down to a family dinner together seems to be a major accomplishment. Too often busy parents find themselves talking “at” their children, but not “to” them. And most especially, not “with” them. This, of course, is problematic in any family trying to raise socially, emotionally and spiritually healthy children. However, it is especially dangerous if that family is facing the challenges of divorce or separation. If your parent-child communication skills and rapport is not optimal before discussions about divorce or family lifestyle changes come up, the likeliness of a peaceful, successful outcome is dramatically jeopardized. For that reason, more than ever before, parents need to create

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