By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC
When we are in the midst of life trauma, like a divorce, it is very difficult to experience anything but the pain, disappointment, hurt and anguish related to that experience. That’s only natural. But very often, in hindsight, we can find meaning, relevance, valuable lessons and insights that were the direct result of those major life challenges. Without that life-altering event we would not become the more resilient, more successful person we are today.
Many people look upon that result as the “gift” they received from the experience – the wisdom they gleaned, the turning point they needed to move on to a new chapter in their lives. They look back and can say the lesson was tough, but they don’t regret it in the least.
I believe divorce can be looked upon as one of those “gifts” and life lessons if we choose to look for the reward.
- What did you learn as a result of this experience?
- Who are you today that you would not have been had you not divorced?
- Do you see inner wisdom or strength that makes you proud?
- Have you made decisions that are more supportive of your life and values?
- Do you like yourself better?
- Have you found new career directions or new meaning in life as a direct result of your divorce?
If you can’t yet answer yes to any of these questions, give yourself time. Perhaps you have not fully moved through the inner and outer transitions resulting from your divorce. Perhaps you are still holding on to resentment, anger, jealousy or other negative emotions that are keeping you from experiencing the freedom from old programming and patterns.
I believe there is a gift in every tough experience in our lives – if we choose to see it. And why shouldn’t we put our energy in that direction?
What good does it do to hold on to a past that has slipped away – or to people who are not giving us the love and support we deserve? When we let go of the past, we open the door to a new future – and only then can we empower ourselves to create that future as a much better outcome for ourselves and those we love.
Many people who have survived divorce go on to create a vibrant life based upon their own passions and values. In hindsight they will tell you that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. Rather than resisting the changes that come out of your divorce, choose to embrace them as opportunities for new experiences in your life. Oftentimes it takes a good whack on the head to awaken us to life’s possibilities – new avenues to explore for new sources of happiness.
Consider the old adage: Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true. Search for the gifts from your divorce and it becomes yet another step toward a successful recovery from the trauma of the divorce.
Positive divorce recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower, the work that has taken place underneath the surface of the ground, invisible to the human eye, is the crucial aspect. Without that subterranean effort there would be no flower. The reward of the flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root system.
It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you will ultimately see the outer rewards.
Don’t be afraid to go within and plant the seeds for the tomorrow you dream about. With love, patience and gratitude I know your garden will ultimately grow and flourish!
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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. She is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — With Love! Rosalind also created the Mastering Child-Centered Divorce 10-Hr Audio Coaching Program with Workbook. To learn more about these and other valuable resources for families going through divorce visit //www.childcentereddivorce.com.
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