protecting our children during and after divorceBy Rosalind Sedacca, CDC 

One of the toughest conversations any parent will ever have is breaking the divorce news to your children. Regardless of their age, kids are emotionally impacted in so many painful ways. It’s a subject that’s heartbreaking to discuss, frightening to digest, and overwhelming to think about for parents and children alike.

That’s why I wrote How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Protecting Your Children – With Love! It conveys my internationally acclaimed strategy combining photos, parental support and communication principles that work.

When both parents plan their approach in advance, agree not to point fingers at one another, and share a message that is hopeful and compassionate, the experience is better for everyone in the family.

Navigating the Dreaded Divorce Talk

Here are six crucial messages to include in your divorce talk.

  1. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Children of all ages tend to blame themselves when parents are upset. It’s essential to let them know they are innocent and not to blame on any level, even if you’ve been fighting over the kids!
  1. BOTH OF US WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR PARENTS. Kids fear losing one or both parents in a divorce. They need reassurance that, despite divorce, we are still a family and we will always be your parents. This is especially important if another love partner is in the picture!
  1. WE WILL BOTH ALWAYS LOVE YOU. Remind your kids frequently of how much both of you love them and always will, despite the divorce. Kids can harbor fears that one or both of their parents may divorce them in the future. They need parental reassurance regarding this anxiety again and again.
  1. THIS IS ABOUT CHANGE, NOT ABOUT BLAME. Show a united front without judgment. This isn’t the time to blame their other parent for causing the divorce. Focus on all the natural changes that take place in life: seasons, birthdays, school grades, sports teams. Explain this is a change in the form of our family – but we are still a family nevertheless!
  1. YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE SAFE. Divorce can seem to shatter the world around your children. Their sense of safety and security can appear to be destroyed. They need to be reminded that this is not the case. That life will go on as normal in many ways and you are still there for them to help them adapt to any changes.
  1. THINGS WILL WORK OUT OKAY. Let your children know both parents are working out the adult details so all will be well in the weeks, months and years ahead. Then step up and make mature, responsible, compassionate decisions on their behalf by putting yourself in their shoes and honoring their emotional and psychological needs. Reach out to a divorce professional for added support and suggestions.

Align Yourselves and Your Messages as Parents

With these crucial points clearly in mind you can address this complex subject more successfully than you might have expected. The more aligned both parents are in their messages, the easier it is for your kids to accept the changes ahead. Your children are depending on you both – as parents – to guide them through this challenging time. Be there for them. They need you now more than ever!

Using family photos in a storybook customized to your family is a helpful way to convey many of the concepts addressed above. But it’s not necessary. What is necessary is that you as parents show a united front for the children. That will help to ease their fear, confusion and anxiety every step of the way.

Learn more about this topic at https://www.childcentereddivorce.com/kids.

Learn more about Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach Rosalind Sedacca and other divorce and co—parenting issues and resources at https://www.childcentereddivorce.com.