Communication with your child is essential.

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Dating after divorce as a single parent comes with its own set of challenges. When you’re a parent you can’t forget the child in your life, much as you may want to when out in the dating world.

Parenting is a life-long responsibility. It doesn’t matter whether your child is with you full-time or you have a shared visitation schedule. Either way, it’s crucial that you approach being single with the awareness that you are also parent. And that should influence all of your social and relationship decisions. Because your kids’ emotional and psychological wellbeing is at stake — and that is something you must never forget.

Here are some realistic guidelines that will keep you on track when the allure of dating and new relationships can be distracting! 

1.  Be up front with new partners about your role as a parent. You don’t want to date people who don’t like or respect kids. Nor do you want to hide the fact that you’re a parent who loves and wants to protect your child.

2. Be cautious about sharing information about your child with strangers and new partners. Don’t provide their name, exact age, where they live and other details about your parenting arrangement. Speak in general terms such as my daughter is in elementary school or is a teenager.

3. Depend on babysitters so new partners don’t meet your child before it’s appropriate You want to get to know a partner before introducing them to your child. It’s not fair to your kids or your dates for them to meet a few times and then disappear from their life. Take your time getting to know, trust and deeply care about a partner before ever bringing them into your child’s world.

4. Take baby steps in introducing new people to your child. Start with short meetings: a quick lunch, a picnic at the park, watching a TV show together. Listen to your child’s feedback and never dismiss or admonish them if they don’t approve at first. This is a sensitive issue. Trust and respect build over time both for adults and children.

5. Be aware of jealousy issues. Kids need to feel safe with you and your new partner. When they don’t, they can make up stories, fake bellyaches or have a tantrum just to get attention. These are signs they are feeling insecure, perhaps jealous or threatened by your new partner. Seek our professional help if this is the case. Never force your friend on a child who is resistant.

6. Always do the parenting and disciplining of your kids. Even when children like the new partner it’s important that they never take on the role of a substitute parent. Kids rebel when this happens. Your partner is a new friend for your children. Not a replacement for your former spouse who hopefully is still in their lives.

Be mindful that your children and your new relationship partner are in an awkward and often challenging situation at first. Acceptance takes time and experience. Don’t rush or force matters prematurely. Be patient. Listen to both sides attentively. Take baby steps.  And always reassure your children that no one can or ever will replace them in your life. Your parental love for them is forever love. And that will never change!

***     ***     ***

Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. She is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – With Love! To get her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, and learn about her coaching services, programs and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, visit https://www.childcentereddivorce.com.