divorce separation path

The Divorce/Separation Path

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Most all mental health practitioners consider forgiveness to be a major step forward in coping with life’s harshest experiences. Divorce certainly fits into that category. It’s important to explore the value of forgiving yourself for anything related to your past relationships and the divorce. In that way you can benefit from learning lessons that life gives us for personal growth

Self-Forgiveness is a Healthy Personal Choice!

Forgiveness starts by making a decision to forgive.  That decision frees you to let go of the old hurts. You give yourself permission to release the negative emotions associated with past and present relationship partners. You then choose to not let their decisions, comments and actions hurt you anymore.  The healing choice is yours to make!

Unless you forgive others, your feelings of resentment, hurt and humiliation will continue being an active part of your life. Unless you forgive yourself, your feelings of guilt, blame  and shame will continue to entrap you!
Start by forgiving yourself right now for any actions you took that you may regret. We all would do better if we knew better. Now that you do know better, make a conscious choice to behave in more positive and productive ways. Your future actions will reflect on your new perspective about yourself, your family and those you interact with in today’s complex world!

Look for the GIFT in every lesson!

Every experience in life – good or bad – can be a teaching for us. Consider your lesson in forgiveness as a vehicle steering you towards personal peace.  This means getting in touch with what you learned from the experience so you never repeat the same mistakes again.  With this understanding, all mistakes become gifts. They’re stepping stones for enhancing your growth — rather than sources of pain and despair.
To get the full benefit of your forgiveness insight, think about what you have learned from all your past/present experiences.

1.    Write down each of the lessons you have learned.

2.    Acknowledge the benefits of having had those lessons. Every experience can be a teachable valuable moment, even a gift, if we look at it that way.

3.    Vow to not repeat the lesson again.

4.    Appreciate the wisdom you have gleaned from your past. Acknowledge yourself as a wiser, more empowered, better person as a result.
5.    Close your eyes and fully experience how that acknowledgment feels within you. Congratulations! You are experiencing true personal growth!
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.  He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.  There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.  When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”
Learning to forgive can be one of life’s greatest lessons. Be patient with yourself if it does not come easily. Perhaps this important question can be of value when deciding whether you can forgive someone:
Would you rather be right – or happy?
Surely life is too short to deprive ourselves of happiness for months, years or even decades.
Remember … this choice is yours to make. So make it wisely!
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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of numerous books, e-courses and programs on divorcing with children and co-parenting successfully. For accrss to all of her resources and instant download of her FREE CO-PARENTING EBOOK  go to: https://www.childcentereddivorce.com 

© Rosalind Sedacca  All rights reserved.