Understanding Children’s Emotional Needs

When parents are caught up in the drama of divorce it is easy for them to forget the innate emotional and security needs of their innocent children. The following are a list of questions and comments that remind parents about the most fundamental needs of every child in order to experience psychological wellbeing. They are provided by Dr. Paul Wanio, one of the contributors to my internationally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? These concepts are particularly significant for your consideration when your family is experiencing the challenges and upheavals connected to divorce or separation. With this in mind, Dr. Wanio suggests you not only consider these questions, but actually take the time to answer them for yourself. 1) How can I help my child to develop a sense of security and trust in him/herself, in people, in the world, and in getting his/her needs

Parenting After Divorce

Parental Conflict After Divorce: Don’t Blame the Kids!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of their children. The results can be devastating – not only for the “target” parent, but for the children, as well. This is just one form of parental alienation which is a serious and very complex set of behaviors that feel justified by the alienating parent. The problem is that children get caught in the middle. Too often they are confused by being told disrespectful things about their other parent. These children easily learn to manipulate both parents in ways that are destructive for the child’s socialization and ultimate well-being. When any parental disagreements reach into your children’s lives, you are treading in dangerous territory with long-lasting consequences. How you handle the situation could play a crucial role in determining

Parenting After Divorce

Should I Stay In a Toxic Marriage For the Sake of the Kids – Or Divorce?

An Interview with Rosalind Sedacca, CDC I understand you are a child of parents who stayed in a bad marriage rather than getting a divorce. What was that like? My childhood was not a happy one. My parents were good people caught in a bad relationship. They fought continuously. I remember hearing them fighting while I was in bed. I felt helpless to fix the problem. My parents made all the mistakes that divorced parents can make and I ending up hurt in the same ways as children of divorce done wrong. You say there are emotional and psychological scars for children when parents stay together in a toxic marriage. Tell us about that. Children feel the tension, the anger and often they blame themselves thinking if only I got better grades or cleaned up my room, maybe mom and dad would stop fighting. They feel insecure and walk on

Child-Centered Divorce

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After Divorce: Choose Pro-Active vs. ReActive Parenting

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Parenting is never easy. The challenges are enormous. Decisions are rarely black and white. How much should you indulge your children? When do you step in on sibling or friend-related battles? How much can you trust other parents watching your child for sleepovers and play dates? How tolerant should you be regarding food and eating issues? When should you step in with discipline? When are you crossing the line with punishment? The questions and decisions are infinite, emotionally challenging and hard to resolve. All of this is life as usual for parents in a traditional marriage. When you add the component of divorce to the mix, the waters are considerably more muddied. And many divorced parents find themselves in the position of questioning their true motives when faced with parenting decisions. What about you? Are your behaviors influenced by your feelings about your former spouse? Are

Parenting After Divorce

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Caring Parents Step Up!

By Rosalind Sedacca CDC Divorce, like life, is rarely neat and packaged. This is especially true for divorcing parents. The reality of divorce comes with unexpected twists, constant frustrations and times of utter helplessness when children act up or pull away. Here are three tips for coping with times when your children are venting, lashing out or expressing their own frustrations about being caught up in a family adjusting to separation or divorce. Diffusing blame. Some children, especially pre-teens and teens, may blame one parent or the other for the divorce. Sometimes they may be correct in this interpretation given circumstances they have been aware of for years (alcoholism, absent parent, domestic violence, etc.). Other times they side with one parent as a result of their prior relationship dynamics with that parent. Regardless of why you, or your spouse, are being blamed, keep your cool. In many cases blaming is

Child-Centered Divorce

Parental Alienation After Divorce: Don’t Let Your Kids Pay The Price!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC April 25 is Parental Alienation Day -- a time to reflect on how you are influencing your children regarding your divorce. Parental Alienation is the darkest, most damaging consequence of divorce done wrong. It's impact can last a lifetime -- and it can boomerang on you in the years to come. Some thoughts on Parental Alienation, especially for the alienated parent ... Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of the children involved. The results can be devastating – not only for the “target” parent, but for the children, as well. This is just one form of parental alienation which is a serious and very complex set of behaviors which often feel justified by the alienating parent. The problem is that children get caught in the middle,

Parenting After Divorce

Parents: Why It’s Vital To Let Go Of Grudges After Your Divorce!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Gandhi Divorce can be a major stumbling block to our happiness and personal growth. Holding grudges and resentments have been proven to be harmful to your physical health and emotional well-being – not to mention the psychological effects on your children. Forgiveness is a productive way to move forward, detach from the past and let go of lingering hurts so you can experience a healthier, more promising future – and protect your children from toxic parenting. It is not uncommon to resent your ex or other people closest to you because they have often done us some harm such as violating our trust through a lie, betrayal, deceit or abuse. However, resentment comes at a big cost to you. When you can’t let go of hurt and anger, it builds into a resentment or

Parenting After Divorce

Grandparents: Smart Ways To Help Your Grandchildren Cope With Their Parents’ Divorce!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Grandparents are often caught in the tensions between parents when divorce takes place. Eager to help ease the situation, many grandparents are confused about how they can play a part in addressing the pain, confusion and other emotional issues that may be affecting their innocent grandkids. Since every divorce is unique there are no cookie-cutter solutions that do the trick. But there are some guidelines to keep in mind, especially in regards to being there for your grandchildren. If you haven’t been close to the kids beforehand, post-divorce is a difficult time to develop a relationship. But if you already have that bond established, it’s important to keep the on-going connection at this time when the children are facing so many unknowns. When communication and trust are strong between you and your grandchildren it’s easier to bring up issues that concern you for a chat. Children

Parenting After Divorce

Picture this: you’re getting divorced and you’re angry, resentful, hurt, or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out at, or maybe get back at your soon to be former spouse. Hiring the most aggressive divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. You are gearing up for a fight! But stop. Think. If you are a parent, you may be making a choice you regret for a long time. If you choose a lawyer who directs you into a vicious court battle, the costs may be insurmountable – not only the financial expenses, but the emotional costs as well. Think long and hard before you move your divorce battle into the legal system. If you do that it is likely to take its toll on every member of your family – especially your children – in the most destructive and gut-wrenching ways. It happens

Child-Centered Divorce

Should You Divorce or Stay? Parents Must Put Kids First Either Way!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CLC Stay together for the sake of the kids? Generations of miserable parents followed that advice hoping their sacrifices would pay off for their children in the end. Many still believe that’s the only option for parents stuck in a dead-end marriage. Based on my own personal experience, I have another perspective. Having been raised by parents that chose to stay together in a miserable marriage, I opt in on the other side. For me, parental divorce is preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children are surrounded by sadness and anger. That’s the world I grew up in and the scars are still with me today, many decades later. I believe that staying in a marriage only for the kids is a physical choice that doesn’t touch upon the emotional and psychological pain children endure when their parents

Child-Centered Divorce

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Understanding Children’s Emotional Needs

Parental Conflict After Divorce: Don’t B

Should I Stay In a Toxic Marriage For th...

After Divorce: Choose Pro-Active vs. ReA...

When Children of Divorce Act Out – Carin

Parental Alienation After Divorce: Don’t

Parents: Why It’s Vital To Let Go Of Gru

Grandparents: Smart Ways To Help Your Gr...

Creating a Child-Centered Divorce: A Wak...

Should You Divorce or Stay? Parents Must...

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